The Girl's A Straight-Up Hustler (Jardougall)

19- Fuck L.A. At Night

Jenna had a cute way of making me really think I was in love with her, and while it was really cute, it pissed me off. It made me really confused on if I actually loved her or if I was just infatuated with her. That's the part that pissed me off.

But the part that was really cute was the stupid and goofy things she did on the walk back to my apartment, like balancing on the curb with her arms outstretched and that stupid smile on her face. When she lost her balance, she laughed and instead grabbed my hand. She didn't hesitate in pulling me against her and kissing me. I thought the way she did it was absolutely adorable.

"You're so cute," she said when we pulled away. "I don't think you understand how hard it is for me to not kiss you."

I smiled and bit my lip quickly before letting it fall into place. We were walking again. I felt like it was just me and Jenna in the entire world during the walk to my apartment. We had taken back ways, so it was rare that we saw a car or someone else. It was peaceful, just like us laying in silence at Nicki's house.

I could tell Jenna was thinking about something, as she continuously started to speak, but gave up and let out a breath. Then she finally got it out.

"Did you really think I was gonna go back to Courtney?" she asked. I looked up at her and stared, wondering why the hell she was asking me this question.

"Of course I did," I sighed. "It's just... when you saw her... I just saw your eyes light up and you were happy... That's why I left. I don't think I've ever made you that happy. I don't think I could take her place."

"Tay, I'm not in love with Courtney, okay? I'm in love with you."

I froze in place, the words trying to flow through my head. Nothing seemed to fit in place, nothing was coming out. I was frozen, and speechless, and Jenna had looked back at me with a really fucking cute look of confusion that made me even weaker in the knees.

"You...you're..." No words. "You... why..." I let out a nervous laugh. "Oh, my god."

"Is...is this a good reaction?" Jenna asked. She was staring at me with a hopeful smile, and I smiled back at her.

Suddenly, I was in her arms, kissing her as passionately as I could. I had my hands on her face as she looped her fingers through my belt loops to pull us together more. When we pulled away, she pressed her forehead to mine.

"I am so in love with you," she sighed. She shook her head and moved away from me. "It just... it couldn't work. We wouldn't work, Tay."

I stared at her in disbelief. "Are you ever able to make up your goddamn mind, Jenna?" She stood, speechless, staring at with a dumbfounded look. "I mean, for God's sake, every fucking time we get close you back off and say it won't work! It can fucking work if you fucking believe! And I'm sick of you doing this and playing with my heart and you get inside my head and you confuse me... God, if you can't change, then maybe we can't work!"

"What do you want me to change?"

"I want you to have some fucking faith in us, Jenna!"

"I'm trying! Okay? I'm really, really trying! I haven't been in love in years, and the thought that there's truly someone I might actually see a future with loves me back is a little hard to fucking fathom, okay? You're not the only confused one here! Goddamn!"

"I'm not the bad guy here! Stop playing me out to be the bad guy!"

She laughed in disbelief. "Are you fucking kidding me? Are you absolutely fucking kidding me right now? I'm not playing you out to be the bad guy, Taylor! I'm calling it like it is, and that's that we've both said some shitty things to each other. And while you're telling me to stop messing with you, how about I tell you to fucking grow up? This isn't a fucking Disney princess love story, Tay. I'm sorry I can't be your fucking knight in shining armor when you want me to be. I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I'm sorry I'm a human being that changes my mind."