𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐀'𝐒 𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐁𝐄 • 𝗋𝖾𝗏𝗂𝖾𝗐 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝗉

Twisted Destiny

Twisted Destiny - Coco_da_cat

•: Title - 3/5
The title was pretty off beat. I don't have much to say about this, because it sounded like I was going to step into a fantastical story, or something of that sort.

•: Blurb - 3/5
The blurb was actually very long. There was this one really good reviewer who'd said "if the blurb can't fit into the synopsis part of an actual book, you might want to cut it short". I felt like your blurb delved too deep. Reasons of Lantana running away that you've pasted as an excerpt, could've been the mystery element.
Of course, there is a part where you're informing the readers about what is going to happen once she's back. But I did feel that some parts could've been cut short.

•: First Impression - 5.5/10
I read the first chapter, and if I'm being completely honest, I didn't find it that captivating. There were a lot of time skips, and a lot of things happening so fast.
Your writing style is pretty good and the way you describe is also good, but it felt like your true potential wasn't fully unlocked. It felt hasty. Maybe it was just an intro to why Lantana is the way she is and you probably wanted the readers to know a gist about her. But I think, some parts of the prologue could've been just included as character insights within other chapters of the story.

•: Grammar - 7/10
You must have noticed it from my comments, that you'd missed a lot of speaker tags. And like you said, after Chapter 4, it became a lot more common. So that's one point. The second point that I'm raising is that there were a few places where the adverb usage had made the paragraph wordy and it was monotonous that way. You have a decently strong base. It may just need a tad bit of refinement.

•: Plot - 8/10
The plot was pretty well developed. I would say your idea is extremely unique and that your execution was good too. But there were a few gray points in the plot - up until chapter 10 at least. Lantana seemed to be doing a lot of things without any explanation. I can't recall those moments now, just one. As far as I've read, Lantana ran away after her mother's death. But why? Because her mother died? If it were that way, please do add something about her emotions and what drove her to take that descision. Yes? I hope this didn't offend you. It was just my opinion.

•: Characters - 7/10
Starting off, Lantana seemed strong. But somewhere around the middle, she faltered. She became a lot more hasty than she was before. And there's not much self-introspection about the character in the narration, so there's nothing more to add about the character. Violet and Gabriel both were different and well thought. I actually liked Violet's character and it did put things into motion very clearly - how Lantana cared for her, Lantana clearly wanted her beside herself.

•: Dialogue Delivery - 9/10
No dialogues felt forced. All of it seemed to flow smoothly.

•: Flow - 2.5/5
This is where I'd like to point out one big thing. Please do break down your long paragraphs. You have broken it when different speakers are speaking, but while narration, a paragraph just seemed to go on and on. It made it difficult for me to get immersed, if I'm saying the truth. In case you need help with that part, do check out some of Tahereh Mafi's books. They're some of the best.

•: Final Impressions - 3/5
It definitely has the potential to do more. But it will require intense editing. This is all I can say, right now. Because other things are just good.

Total - 48/70