𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐀'𝐒 𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐁𝐄 • 𝗋𝖾𝗏𝗂𝖾𝗐 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝗉

My Myra

My Myra - preciousparis_

•: Title - 4/5
Title was unique, not heard of. And of course, it is because you added the name of the character.

•: Blurb - 3/5
I wouldn't say this is the best of your abilities, but it is intriguing. It shows a scene of melancholy and I think it is something that readers fall for - because imperfections and sadness is what differentiates humans.
But just as a suggestion, while within a paragraph, try to maintain the same font. Do not change it. Even if you wish to make it bold, don't change the font. It kind of disrupts the flow.

•: First Impression - 6/10
I actually read your first chapter 2 times. There are quite a few things that put me off, and a few things that I liked. Positives first, I liked that you tried to include descriptions and emotions in dialogues. I also liked that you gave an introduction to Myra's character as a whole. But what I couldn't make sense of was how she ended up in front of Jungkook's apartment.
If I'm right, the sequence of events in chapter 1 is like: Intro to Myra -> Myra goes to a hotel for a room -> remembers she forgot her wallet in the suitcase (which is lost) -> tries other methods but to no avail. And then suddenly a door swings open and Jungkook is I'm front of her.
I personally think a few fillers are missing. You could possibly connect it saying, "She didn't know where she was going because she wasn't in her right mind, her worries gnawing at her insides" or something like that.

•: Grammar - 5/10
Many places had issues with grammar. Some were punctuations that went missing, some were sentence structure issues and a few issues with tenses (like ringed - ringed isn't the right one, rang is the right past tense). The final one happened very rarely, so that's fine. I suggest you type up your draft in a word processor first and then copy it here. Writing directly over here has 2 disadvantages:
• you lose the entire writing if something happens to your account
• you won't be able to catch slight grammar errors (which in MS Word will be indicated).

•: Plot - 6/10
I'll say that your plot was developed well. But I felt like it wasn't very unique. The main events went on well. But the things that happened in between remained somewhat gray. Maybe it was the hasty execution... I did feel like you had a lot ofnplot points clashing among different chapters. So, try to remain stagnant about the plot points. But don't be stagnant about characters, okay? Give them the change they need.
• Chapter 11, 17 - I didn't find it very gripping. There were a few errors here and there and the quality could've been elevated.
• Chapter 18 - This is the chapter I absolutely loved. The descriptions were on-point, the conflict in thought process was perfect! Though it does need a bit of editing, I did find it absolutely well-written. So, good job!

•: Characters - 5/10
This is something I must point out. There were many areas where I felt that the character lacked any substantial depth.
• Myra:
Though I loved that her character's name was so tactfully chosen, she did have a few drawbacks. Her character was shown as a strong woman in the start, but then towards the third chapter, she seemed to have given up. Strength of character doesn't just disappear one fine day. If it goes because of a struggle, do show it "ebb" away - like tissue soaking up water.
• Jungkook:
I was surprised his character wasn't very surprised with the whole "unknown-woman-in-apartment" ordeal, but he does him, I guess. Somewhere along the middle even his emotions remained unknown. His actions didn't seem to have a lot of backup.
So if you could work on showing more emotions, and describing their states, I think that would work well.

•: Dialogue Delivery - 5/10
There were a few issues. I think, if you re-read it yourself you might be able to catch on to it. Many dialogues didn't have proper punctuation and in some places, the speakers were unclear. It took me further reading into the chapter to understand who had been speaking it initially. This is definitely something that I would suggest you to focus on.

•: Flow - 3.5/5
The starting part of all chapters had a good impression. But somewhere around that middle all that would be lost and the writing starts becoming hasty. There's a lot of action packed paragraphs, with minimal to a little character descriptions.
You had descriptions like 'tiny yet manly' for Jimin (BTS), which, in my opinion, doesn't actually serve as a good description for a character. There were also other areas where you'd mentioned 'a soft cresent smile'. Now that's a good one! So, if you want to read a few books/have inspirations on writing, do ping me on my MB. There are lots of books I'd recommend.

•: Final Impressions - 3/5
I would personally say there's a lot of room for improvement. Seeing as how you're able to start off on a decent tone, I think you definitely have the potential for a better writing. In the initial stages, it will feel tough trying to change, but once you get accustomed to it; it will feel like a game. You'll constantly find yourself looking for better comparisons to describe a character and it will be oh-so beautiful. Trust me!

Total - 40.5/70