𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐀'𝐒 𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐁𝐄
- 𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓮𝔀 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓹 |closed|
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•: Title - 3/5 The title is actually pretty intriguing. It did want me to try reading the book. So, kudos to that!
•: Blurb - 3/5 I actually think this was a pretty good attempt at a blurb. But somewhere, things were too wordy - like that one sentence that extended for upto 4 lines and didn't have any punctuation in the middle. It delivers the right amount of mystery, but you might want to reframe a few sentences here and there.
•: First Impression - 6/10 I would say that the first impression was pretty good. But somehow, I felt like it could've been better. Somewhere, someplace. Plot lines seemed good at first glance, so maybe focus a little more on execution. There's definitely good descriptive language used, but it's the bare minimum. So try to, like, appeal to the reader's imagination, too, while executing.
•: Grammar - 6/10 This actually needs a tad bit improvement. There are places where your sentence just seems odd. In addition to that, there are places where you've used just "past" tense where "past participle" would've worked better. So just, take them into consideration. Maybe pop it up into grammar checkers or something of that sort. Even though it's okay, I'd seriously recommend you to edit.
•: Plot - 7/10 The idea is great, that's why the 7. I really liked how you're being mysterious about the whole ordeal, how Seokjin's been given a secret to guard or keep. The thing is, your execution needs work. Your writing, though a little vague, needs more polishing. Try to use their names more often, and always mention something memorable about the character while introducing them. Something that the readers can easily pick up on - odd colored eyes or features in general, a peculiar birthmark, anything.
•: Characters - 6/10 There wasn't much to assess. Your chapters are short and crisp. So, I still don't know much. You've mentioned Seokjin being a good dad, that's what I could gather from 10 chapters. And if anything more, it's that he's kind and a nice guy in general. Seoyeon, though, I feel needs more insight. Her character has been said to be nice. But I haven't truly witnessed it, to be honest. Also, her pain could've been more introspective. Something a little more ornate, I mean.
•: Dialogue Delivery - 5/10 There is definitely a lot of work to be done here. Most dialogues seemed rigid. Try making it as natural as you speak. If you wouldn't put phrases like it while you speak, it's possible your character won't either (unless they're like that kind of a character).
•: Flow - 2/5 The flow felt really slow. Even after I'd read 4 chapters, it barely had much to hold me on, apart from the poems. Seokjin just seemed to be about on his daily life. I think you could've combined 1-4 into one chapter, so you could move on with further chapters. I mean, that's totally your opinion, don't change if you don't want to. Because like people are telling 'whats published is published'. So, it's your call, in the end.
•: Final Impressions - 3/5 It is definitely high on potential. I definitely urge you to edit and execute better. All the best!
Total - 41/70
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