OUR LITTLE SECRET

Part 44

With the Oscars approaching rather quickly now, Cillian had to travel a lot, collecting his awards, giving interviews, and attending countless parties. He was barely home and did not see you and Mara often . It was tough for both of you, but you knew that it was only temporary.

One morning, as you put Mara in her crib for her nap, you thought about how much you missed Cillian and his touch. The past couple of nights had been rough and you were feeling especially lonely and vulnerable being on your own.

Cillian called you every day , but it just wasn't the same as having him here in your arms.

His voice was distant and tired, and you knew he was burdened with his awards and the obligations that came with them.

You missed the warmth of his embrace, the way his fingers traced patterns on the skin of your upper arm, the softness of his breath whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

But he promised you that soon, he would make it up to you and, when he arrived back in town, he was true to his word.

The first thing he did was throw his suitcases to the side and pick up Mara, making her giggle with laughter as he tickled her.

It was a sight that warmed your heart. Cillian being a father to Mara was just incredibly endearing and watching them together made you feel like you were part of a beautiful family.

"I missed you both so much," Cillian said, his voice filled with warmth as he looked at you and Mara.

"We missed you too," you replied, your eyes softening as you looked at him, the longing in your heart easing just a little at the sight of him holding your daughter.

You walked over to them, wrapping your arms around Cillian's waist as you leaned into him, taking in his scent, feeling the warmth of his body against yours.

He turned his head to press a kiss on the top of your head, his arm tightening around you as he held you close.

"But, both Mara and I watched you, on TV, didn't we sweet girl?" you asked, looking at Mara, referring to the recent award show where Cillian had won best actor. Cillian had been traveling to various events and awards shows for weeks on end and though you were incredibly proud of him, you missed him dearly. He was only back for a few days before leaving again, and you cherished the limited time you had with him.

"Did you, Babygirl?" Cillian smiled softly, looking down at Mara as she kicked her tiny legs, playing with the string on his hoodie. "And what did you think? Was daddy's speech okay?" he asked Mara , shifting his focus from you to his daughter. You smiled, watching as he began to tickle Mara again, who giggled and squirmed in his arms.

He loved Mara more than anything else in this world , and it showed every time he interacted with her.

Watching him, your heart swelled with pride, and you couldn't help but feel grateful that he was a part of your life.

But you couldn't shake off the unease that still lingered in your heart.

Cillian had been acting strangely towards you recently, and it had been bothering you. You didn't know what it was, but you couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.

***

A few days before you were all heading to Los Angeles for the Academy Awards, you found Cillian on the phone in your living room, his voice low and tense.

"You need to stop calling me," he muttered, running a hand through his hair and, of course, you wondered who was calling him. You were about to ask him, but then he turned around and caught you watching him. He quickly hung up the phone, his eyes widening for a moment before he forced a smile onto his face.

"Hey," he said, his voice a little too bright and cheery.

"Everything okay?" you asked, your eyes narrowing slightly as you studied him. Cillian hesitated for a moment before nodding.

"Yeah, everything's fine," he said, walking over to you and wrapping his arms around your waist.

You looked up at him, searching his face for any signs of what had just happened, but he wore a mask of calmness that was impossible to penetrate.

"Who called?" you asked eventually though, and Cillian sighed, his arms tightening around you.

"Amanda," he admitted grudgingly, the name heavy with displeasure and you frowned, your heart clenching in your chest.

"Amanda?" you repeated, your voice wavering slightly. "Why is she calling you?" you asked, your tone curt and accusatory.

Cillian stared at his shoes, swallowing hard as he tried to find the right words. "She...she wanted to talk," he said finally, his voice barely above a whisper.

"About what?" you demanded, anger growing within you. You could feel your heart racing as a thousand thoughts ran through your mind.

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. "It's nothing."

But you weren't convinced. Something was definitely off, but you weren't sure what it was. "It's never nothing with this woman," you said, your voice low and tense.

Cillian sighed, looking up at you with a pained expression. "Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know what she wants Y/N. I told her not to call again," Cillian said, his voice strained.

But you knew that was never the end of things with Amanda. She was Cillian's ex-girlfriend, a successful lawyer, who he had been with before you got back together. And even though he had assured you that they had nothing left between them, you couldn't shake off the feeling that there was something more going on.

"You know, I never understood why you never had her charged by the police after what she did. But since you didn't, the least she could do now is leave us alone," you added, in a tone filled with equal parts disappointment and concern.

Cillian sighed deeply, his arms still tightly wrapped around your waist. "I know, and I've told her that as well. But you know how she can be," he said, his voice soft with regret.

You nodded, remembering the confrontation you had witnessed between them before even when they were still together. It was pathetic and extremely dramatic which was something you never understood about Amanda. She was always demanding attention and control from him, and it felt suffocating, like there was no space left for you in their relationship.

"I am sorry Cills. I just don't like that she still calls you," you confessed to him, leaning back into his arms as he held you tightly, "You should probably block her number or something."

Cillian squeezed you a little tighter, understanding what you were saying. "I know," he replied, his voice soothing as he continued to hold you. "I will. I am sorry, but you know you have nothing to worry about Y/N. I love you, just you, with all my heart," Cillian said, nuzzling his face into your neck, his breath warm against your skin. You could feel his chest quiver as he spoke, a testament to his conflicting emotions.

In the end though, you believed him. After all, he had never given you any reason to doubt his feelings for you, and you knew that his love for Mara would always come before anything else.

In just a few days, you would be making your first very public outing as a couple, attending the Academy Awards together and this was something you knew he wouldn't just do with anyone. He was a private person and the fact that he wanted you by his side despite his fame and fame-fueled temptations spoke volumes.

Days passed, and the preparations for the red-carpet event began to take over his house which you visited with Mara during the day. He had stylists visit for the both of you and, between getting fitted for a designer gown and having your hair cut for the event, you couldn't help but feel a twinge of nerves.

You hadn't been to events like these before and the thought of a hundred cameras flashing in your direction was unnerving.

But Cillian reassured you that everything would be fine. He had been attending award shows for years and knew exactly what to expect and, in the end, you believed him.

You were as ready as you possibly could be for his big day but, little did you know that, on that day, your whole life would be turned around.