OUR LITTLE SECRET

Part 54

Unsure what else to do, you decided to call Cillian while he was still away, on set, and after about an hour or so, he called you back.

"Is Mara alright?" he asked, having sensed the panic in your voice when you requested a call back.

"Yes, she's fine. I just wanted to talk," you replied, your voice tense and trembling slightly.

There was a moment of silence before Cillian finally spoke up, his voice low and soothing. "Okay. What about?" he asked, making time for you.

You took a deep breath before diving straight into the matter. "I just received this email from some guy at the Irish Times," you said, and Cillian was non the wiser.

"What did it say?"

Cillian asked, his voice betraying no alarm.

"It's about you. About your supposed infidelity, for years while you were married to Danielle," you explained, feeling a swirl of anxiety in your stomach.

There was another brief pause before Cillian finally spoke up. "What? Do you mean with you? Because that isn't a secret anymore and hasn't been for quite some time," Cillian chuckled, his nonchalant demeanor unnerving you further.

"Cillian, this is no joke to me," you said, struggling to keep the quaver out of your voice.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like that, but I honestly have no idea what you are talking about," Cillian said calmly but still with some amusement in his voice. "The only person I ever slept with during my marriage with Danielle was you and, well, that has been dragged through the tabloids already on numerous occasions as you know," he added, his tone serious now, but still missing the urgency that you were feeling.

"No, that's not what I am talking about. This email accuses you of cheating multiple times, with multiple women," you told him before rattling down the names. "Sienna Miller, Annabelle Wallis and some woman named Alana Simmons are just some of them," you blurred through the list, barely able to hold back the tears that were threatening to burst forth.

"What?" Cillian asked, breaking out in laughter that slowly faded as he realized you were totally serious. "That's absurd. I mean, the thing with Sienna Miller has been through the press before but none of this is true, and I also did not sleep with Annabelle, nor do I know who that other woman even is. I never fucking heard of her," Cillian said, still chuckling but now a little worried.

"So you swear you didn't sleep with anyone but me during your marriage with Danielle?"

you asked, needing to hear him say it.

"I swear on Mara's life, I didn't. I have only ever been with you. Fuck, I didn't even sleep with Danielle after we started -," he began to say before inhaling sharply. "You know, never mind," he continued, trying to keep his voice casual but failing to hide the rage that was simmering beneath the surface.

"Really? You never had sex with Danielle while we were sleeping with each other?" you asked incredulously, finding it hard to believe.

"Well, no, I mean, it passed my mind, but I just didn't feel interested, you know," he replied, sounding somewhat embarrassed. "But let me ask you this Y/N, why do you even care whether I have been faithful to Danielle or not? Because, clearly, you don't want me back, so it shouldn't even matter to you now," Cillian said, the tone of his voice curious and hopeful.

You took a deep breath, trying to gather your thoughts. "I don't know," you finally admitted, your inner turmoil evident in your voice. "I just felt like I needed to know," you added, trying to make sense of your own feelings.

"Why?" Cillian asked, pressing you for an answer.

"I have to go Cillian. I will see you at the wedding, alright?" you asked, but Cillian stopped you from hanging up just yet.

"Wait Y/N, can I video call Mara tomorrow?" Cillian asked, the sincerity in his tone heartening you a little.

"Uh-huh, sure. Just text me what time works best for you," you confirmed, knowing deep down that you would make it happen one way or another. "Also, I will send this email to your publicist to deal with because, really, I don't want anything to do with it," you said determinedly, 100% sure that you were not going to engage with the tabloids on this issue.

"Thank you, I'll let her know. I am sorry Y/N. It seems as though some people just have too much time on their hands," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Take care," you replied, not wanting to drag out the conversation any longer. You hung up then, your head spinning with thoughts and emotions you weren't quite ready to process.

You looked at your phone for a few moments, deep in thought. Had Cillian really been faithful other than when you came around? And if so, why had he been so eager to jump into bed with you, out of the blue that one night when all of this started? It was something you never really talked about and yet and somehow, now, you wanted answers.

His marriage to Danielle had always been a mess, so why cheat many years later, only when you came around? Clearly, it wasn't love at first sight. It was something different.

But then again, he was right. You shouldn't care about any of these things right now. None of this mattered anymore, but if you were honest with yourself, deep down, you knew it bothered you. Since receiving that email, you've found yourself imagining him with these women and it made you sick, even though you had not even been in his life then.

And, if you were truly honest with yourself, you knew what you wanted, or at least what your body was demanding. He still had a hold on you, but your shields were up. There was no way he'd worm his way back into your heart again. You owed it to yourself to move forward, and you knew it, dammit. This was still new territory for you, and you were learning quickly that Cillian had sat the bar way too high for anyone to ever compete with, including Sean.