OUR LITTLE SECRET

Part 40

When Cillian arrived at home, he was surprised when he saw Amanda's car parked in the driveway and her sitting on his porch, looking at him as he walked through the gate.

"What are you doing here?" he asked as soon as he spotted her, trying to avoid the impending confrontation.

Amanda looked up at him, her eyes filled with a mixture of guilt and defiance. "I wanted to talk to you. To explain things," she said, her voice quiet and hesitant.

"Am, there is nothing for us to talk about. You spiked my fucking drink and tried to ruin my life," Cillian spat out, feeling a surge of anger and disgust as he looked at her.

"I know, I'm sorry. I was stupid and impulsive, and I can't take it back," Amanda replied, her voice trembling as she looked up at Cillian. "But I wanted to apologize and explain why I did it."

Cillian shook his head, feeling his anger and disgust grow as he looked at Amanda. "I don't care why you did it. It doesn't change anything," Cillian said, cutting her off. "You had no right to interfere in my life like that," his voice was filled with venom and anger.

Amanda looked down at her hands, her eyes filling with tears. "I know, I messed up. It was a stupid and rash decision, one that I regret now," she said softly. "But I did it because I still love you Cillian. I always have. I can't help it." Amanda whispered, her voice trembling as she looked up at Cillian with tears in her eyes.

Cillian stared down at Amanda, his anger and disgust warring with a deep sense of pity. He knew that she had been hurting since their break-up, that she had been struggling to move on just like he had, but he never imagined that she would go to such lengths to try and get him back. It was a reckless and dangerous decision, one that could have ended with disastrous consequences.

"Amanda, that's not love. What you did was dangerous," Cillian said, his voice laced with anger and betrayal. He couldn't believe that Amanda would stoop so low, all because she couldn't let go.

Amanda's face fell, and tears began to stream down her cheeks as she looked up at Cillian. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I just wanted you back," Amanda choked out, as she continued to sob uncontrollably.

"Look, Amanda, I can't just forget what you did. But I do appreciate the apology," he said, his voice softening slightly as he looked at her.

Amanda nodded, her eyes still filled with tears as she looked up at him. "Thank you Cillian. The whole ordeal with, you know, the abortion and all took a really bad toll on me. I have been struggling with terrible guilt after the procedure and I know that, what I did, was dumb. I shouldn't have blamed you for it all," she admitted, her voice wavering as she spoke.

Cillian sighed deeply, feeling conflicted. He knew that Amanda was hurting, and he felt somewhat responsible for that.

"I never asked you to have the procedure," he reminded her, gently and Amanda nodded, looking down at her hands.

"I know, but you left me for Y/N shortly after and I was just really hurt," she whispered, still fighting back tears.

"I did, but I never meant to hurt you, Am," Cillian admitted, his voice laced with regret. "And I thought that I could make it work with Y/N just after Mara was born, which is why I left you. But hey, apparently, I can't," Cillian confessed, his voice laced with that same regret, as he looked down at the floor and shook his head.

Amanda sniffled before wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. "Well, it looks like you are as unhappy as I am, huh?" she said, looking up at Cillian with a contrite expression and he realised that, perhaps, after what had just transpired, he was.

There was silence between them for a while as they both remembered the past and the pain that they had caused each other.

"Do you, uhm," Cillian finally broke the silence, trailing off before looking at Amanda with a serious expression. "Do you want to come in for a wine? I could actually do with some company" he said, his voice low and hesitant.

"Are you sure you actually want that?" Amanda asked, a hint of surprise in her voice as she looked up at Cillian. "I mean, after everything that has happened between us, I didn't think that you would want me to come in," she continued, her voice softer now, tinged with an undertone of sadness.

Cillian looked at Amanda for a long moment before eventually nodding. "Just don't spike my drink again ," he said, his voice laced with a hint of sarcasm.

Amanda chuckled, wiping away the last of her tears. "I promise I won't. I've learned my lesson," she said, looking up at Cillian with a hint of a smile.

"I fucking well hope so," Cillian shrugged and opened the front door, letting her in.