All the Young Dudes ( Sirius' Perspective )

First Year : Lectiuncula Manga

Tuesday 27th December 1971

One good thing came of Walpurga’s letter: an idea. During the strange, sleepy days between Christmas and New Year’s Day, Sirius attacked the bookshelves in the library with a vengeance, sure that he was close to a breakthrough. Previously, he had been focused on eyesight—how to alter the letters that Remus looked at. But he kept hitting dead ends; it was difficult to figure out how to keep the words straight, especially when Sirius didn’t fully understand what exactly it was that Remus saw each time he looked at a page.

But he hadn’t needed to see the howler to understand what it was saying…

Remus refused to accompany him to the library; he acted as though the books would bite him if he even tried to enter. So Sirius lugged armfuls of thick volumes back to the common room. They would sit in companionable silence in front of the fire, Sirius reading and Remus playing chess against himself with Peter’s chess set. (He didn't seem to understand any of the rules—but he thought it was very entertaining to watch the little pieces march around the board). When Sirius wasn’t researching, he and Remus were breaking in the new gobstones from James, or listening to T-Rex, or trying to transfigure Frank Longbottom’s slippers (he got very cross with them one evening, when he found them covered in slime—Sirius had been trying to turn them into snails).

He kept as busy as he could, but there were still moments when Sirius’s feelings crept up on him. The snarled mess of guilt, shame, and rage stirred up by the visit to his family had coalesced into a predator in the back of Sirius’s mind, tail flicking, waiting for any opportunity to pounce. He would see the scattered Slytherin students in the Great Hall at meals, and remember Bellatrix’s awful smile. Or he would look up after a moment of intense concentration in the library, déjà vu settling over him, the towering shelves reminding him of his family library at home. Or Remus would say something funny, and Sirius would laugh until his sides hurt, until he was gasping for breath, and find himself thinking, I wish Reg were here.

This confusing mess of emotion only upset Sirius, adding to the simmering anger that he’d tried to lock away. Luckily, he knew exactly where to focus his building resentment: Severus Snape.

Remus seemed just as eager to plan their revenge, still furious about Snape’s prank with the hair. He took a slightly different approach than Sirius, though.

“We should just get James’ cloak, follow him around ‘til he’s alone, then beat the shit out of him.”

They were sitting in the empty common room, and Remus’s voice was close to a growl as his fingers dug into the leather armrest of the settee.

“Now, now, Lupin,” Sirius tutted, arms full of library books, “You’re thinking like a muggle. If we’re going to get him, we’re going to get him with magic.”

“Not more books,” Remus groaned, mouth twisting like he’d tasted something sour as Sirius plopped down beside him.

“Yes, more books.” Sirius flipped open a heavy tome, so big that the cover rested across both of their legs. “You’ll love them once you get to know them, I promise.”

He was getting close, now, to finishing his research on the reading solution. He’d figured out what spells he’d need, and he only had to find a way to cobble them together. In fact, he’d already started trying different variations in the library, where Remus was sure not to discover him—but Madam Pince had threatened to ban him after a succession of failed attempts that resulted in books screaming aloud.