All the Young Dudes ( Sirius' Perspective )

Summer 1972

He hadn't let himself think it, but Sirius had been hoping-secretly, unconsciously-that somehow, once he arrived home, things could just go back to normal between him and Reg. He hadn't forgotten their fight, although he'd been doing his best not to think about it. But what he really wanted more than anything as he approached the doors of his family home was to see his brother laugh again, and know everything was forgiven between them.

Unfortunately, any hopes he'd had for a joyful reunion were quickly dashed. There was no one waiting to greet Sirius when he entered the house with his mother-who had spent the entire journey back from Platform 9 and ¾ lecturing viciously after she saw her son stepping onto the platform, side by side with James Potter.

When he sought out his brother, Regulus was sullen and withdrawn. He had always tended towards melancholy, and had a bad habit of isolating himself when he was upset. But this was different. Reggie greeted Sirius with a sneer that he had never seen on his brother's lips before, an expression that twisted his features in a mean way. In the past, Sirius would only have needed to apologise once to see the adoring light flood back into his brother's eyes and know that everything was okay. But now there was resentment, a thorny bramble that thickened the longer they were separated, and Sirius realised that he had no idea how to unpick it.

Thus began some of the most miserable days of Sirius's life. Without his brother, life at home became unbearable. At Hogwarts, Sirius had always been surrounded by friends. Suddenly alone, he felt as though some protective covering had been ripped away; a blanket or cocoon peeled back, exposing him to the bitter cold of loneliness.

Sirius found himself spending quite a bit of time squirreled away in the library, taking refuge, as he so often had growing up, in books. He managed to distract himself by browsing some of the tomes his father kept on hexes and curses-really nasty ones, the kinds that he couldn't find in the books at Hogwarts. His father's collection was full of them. Sirius tried not to think about what this meant.

He was aware, as anyone who had grown up in the wizarding world inevitably was, of Dark magic. He had heard vague references to Dark wizards, past wars and atrocities. But though the term frequently came up, Sirius had never been able to find any clear explanation about what, exactly, made a wizard "Dark," with a capital D. It seemed that in the history books, whatever witch or warlock was the enemy was labelled Dark with no further discussion.

Even in Defence Against the Dark Arts, the professor never came out and said what, exactly, fell under the umbrella of his expertise. Curses, certainly, were dark magic-but students at Hogwarts cursed and jinxed each other all the time, and none of them were Dark wizards. As far as Sirius could tell, there was no clear line in the sand; the term was nebulous, shifting depending on what politician was in power.

Still, he knew that many of the books in his family's library would likely be banned from the shelves of Hogwarts, and he was coming to realise that in the eyes of many wizards, the Black family was full of Dark magic. That it was this Darkness, in fact, that contributed so heavily to their reputation and shaped the tangled fear and respect with which many approached them.

Sirius had never thought of his family as Dark. Certainly, they were involved in quite a bit of magic that might raise eyebrows at Hogwarts. They were politically shrewd, ambitious and power-hungry. They were hated by many, including, oftentimes, Sirius himself. But-well. He didn't think his parents were Dark wizards, for all their flaws. It wasn't like they were evil. Even if they owned quite a lot of creepy books.