All the Young Dudes ( Sirius' Perspective )

Fourth Year : February ( Part 1 )

The Hogsmeade business with Lily, while initially hilarious (only Remus would be oblivious enough to not realize he was on a date), quickly became a thorn in Sirius's side.

The problem was James. James Potter - quidditch prodigy, pureblood heir, Gryffindor's golden boy - had been completely spoiled by love. He'd received an abundance of it growing up, from doting parents that assured him he was the centre of their universe, giving him all the confidence and warmth of a blazing sun. This made him entitled, perhaps, and arrogant, certainly, but the self-assured bravado was hardly misplaced; he received good marks in school, exhibited extraordinary skill on the quidditch pitch, and displayed a natural knack for magic. It was difficult to fault him for his ego when there was so much to back it up.

And besides, with James, every victory was a shared thing. His exuberance was never limited to his own achievements; he brought up those around him, too. It was impossible to dislike someone so selfless, so genuinely kind, who never seemed to look down on others even when he knew they were looking up to him. It was why Sirius was so drawn to James-he was the opposite of everything the Blacks stood for. His parents had always acted like the only way to distinguish oneself was to step on the heads of others, but James proved that wasn't true. He was something out of a storybook-the main character, the hero.

The only person who seemed entirely immune to his charms was Lily Evans. Which was unfortunate, as she was (for some utterly unfathomable reason) perhaps the only individual in the castle that James truly wanted to impress.

The problem when it came to growing up with too much love, Sirius thought, was that James had never learned how to swallow disappointment. All the other marauders had plenty of experience dealing with hurt feelings; Sirius would pick a fight, Remus would throw a punch, and Peter was practically an expert when it came to sulking. But James, presented (perhaps for the first time in his life) with a unique combination of jealousy and self-pity, didn't seem to know what to do with it.

The result was that, for an entire week, he stopped talking to Remus.

It wasn't intentional. Sirius knew that James would never try to freeze his friend out on purpose. It was just that he was jealous, and knew he had no right to be, because Lily was allowed to fancy whomever she fancied, and it was pretty clear that Remus hadn't been trying to encourage her affections. But knowing all of that only made James feel sorrier for himself, until he could hardly look at Lupin without drowning in self-pity.

Of course, this only led Remus to fall into his well-worn, everybody-hates-me-and-I-deserve-it shtick. The boy was just itching to be a martyr; he tiptoed around James with mournful, guilty glances, as if he had done something wrong. Sirius indulged in a few uncomfortably vivid fantasies about throttling Lily Evans for starting the whole mess, and then throttling James and Remus, too, for acting so stupid about it.

"He's not angry with you," Sirius explained, for the umpteenth time, after James scurried away to bed one night the moment Remus set foot in the common room. "He's just feeling sorry for himself."

"He does believe me, though, doesn't he?" Remus fretted, "I really didn't know it was a date, I don't like Lily in that way!"

Sirius sighed, trying to figure out how best to explain the situation so that Remus would understand. He could be so oblivious, sometimes, when it came to girls.

"Well...I don't think he thinks you're lying, exactly, but...you are pretty close to Evans, aren't you? Always going around together."