All the Young Dudes ( Sirius' Perspective )

The War : Magic

Monday 8th January 1979

“Please let me come with you?” Sirius tried, one last time, as Remus walked out the door.

“I’ll be fine,” Remus told him, smiling in what was probably supposed to be a reassuring way. The door shut behind him, and Sirius listened to the lock click into place.

It wasn’t that Sirius didn’t know that. He did—he knew Remus would be fine. He was just visiting the Aurors’ headquarters, after all, and though there were plenty of death eaters crawling around the Ministry, it wasn’t like they were walking about attacking people – that would give them away. Plus, Moody would be there, and Frank and Alice, and all the other Aurors who were loyal to the Order. So of course, Remus would be perfectly safe.

Still, Sirius wished he was tagging along. A meeting with Moody could only mean one thing for Remus: another assignment with the werewolves. And though Sirius had assured Remus that the Order was saving him for something, privately, he’d hoped that they would wait a little longer—that they would find some other way to deal with the werewolves, send someone else to put their life in danger for a change.

But of course, it had to be Moony. Of course.

Remus, for his part, seemed somewhere between eager and apprehensive for the meeting. It was the first time Sirius had seen him properly dressed since his mother’s funeral—he’d mostly just been sitting in his pyjamas on the living room sofa, or else lying in bed. Sirius supposed it was good that he was finally leaving the flat after being cooped up for so long—he just wished it was for a different reason.

Sirius sighed and wandered into the kitchen, where he began absentmindedly washing up the dishes that had been sitting in the sink all weekend. Lily had stopped by on Saturday to check in on them, with a plate of sandwiches as an offering. There were still a few left, though they were now slightly stale, and he sat on the sofa and ate one and stared at the wall.

The problem, Sirius thought, was that he didn’t know what was normal, when it came to grief. Where was he meant to draw the line – to say Alright, Remus, that’s enough lying in bed all day, time to get up and shower? It made him feel helpless, sitting next to Moony and still feeling so far away—like the other boy was cocooned, buried beneath thick layers of sorrow that nothing could penetrate.

The full moon was due that upcoming Saturday, and in a twisted sort of way, Sirius was looking forward to it. Since leaving Hogwarts, the marauders had been apparating (Peter side-alonged) to remote stretches of woodland and spending the full moons there. It was just as much fun as their nights running through the Forbidden Forest—more, even, because these were new places to explore, and Padfoot loved exploring with the wolf. Especially after everything with Remus’s mum, Sirius reasoned that a night of nothing but cavorting through the countryside, free of human worries, would probably do them all some good.

But that was Saturday, and this was Monday, which meant there was still an entire week to get through before Sirius could crawl out of his skin and take refuge in the simple joy of being a dog. Depending on how things went with Moony’s meeting, there was no telling what sort of week it would be—would Remus return withdrawn? Sullen? Anxious? Eager? The waiting was the worst part—Sirius felt as though he was holding his breath, anticipating the worst while still trying to hope for the best.

Whatever happened with Moody, Sirius just hoped that it wouldn’t send Remus spiralling even further. He had rotating guard duty with James and the Prewett twins throughout the week, which meant he would no longer be around all day to make sure that Moony showered and ate. If he took a turn for the worse, Sirius would have to start recruiting Lily to come check up on him more—but Sirius had a feeling that Remus wouldn’t like that. He hated feeling coddled.