All the Young Dudes ( Sirius' Perspective )

Sixth Year : Letting Go

I don’t mind when you say

That you’re going away

I just don’t wanna be lonely

And I don’t care if we

Share only moments a day

I just don’t wanna be lonely

 

Mid-May 1977

Mary squeezed his hand. “Ready?”

Sirius took a breath. “Yeah.”

It was the second to last Hogsmeade weekend of the year, and the library was, for once, almost entirely empty as all the older students took advantage of the sunny spring day to tramp down to the village. Even Remus, who couldn’t leave the grounds, had been drawn outside by the sunshine—when Sirius checked the map, he was sitting out near the lake.

It was getting easier, walking through those wide double doors. A few months ago, Sirius hadn’t even been able to imagine simply standing between the bookshelves without a cold shiver of fear running down his spine—but every time he set foot inside, and nothing horrible happened (although his spiking adrenaline screamed that it would, that he needed to run), a tiny bit of the terror slid away, like chipping at a block of ice.

“Quiz me on Potions,” Mary said, as they stepped through the door.

“Er…three primary ingredients in a pepperup potion?” His heartbeat sped up, as usual.

“Hmmm…bicorn horn, jewelweed…something with an m…murtlap?”

You’re safe, Sirius told himself, concentrating on the warmth of Mary’s palm in his, You’re at Hogwarts, and you’re safe. There’s nothing to run from. Still, his body responded as if to a threat—pulse kicking, adrenaline surging.

“Oh! Mandrake root.”

Sirius gave her a tight smile. “Correct.”

“Give me another, go on.”

“Um…” They were walking between two shelves, now, walled in on either side by soaring stacks. “What colour is the dye produced by goosegrass?”

“Easy! Red.”

“Oh, clever you.” Sirius meant for the words to sound light, teasing—but his voice was stretched thin, taut like wire.

“Your turn. Which part of the occamy is used in Felix Felicis?”

They had stopped, now, standing between the shelves, and Mary let go of his hand to search for a book. Sirius stared down the aisle, to the window at the opposite end, where he could see the sunshine streaming through. But it was so far away—

“Sirius!” Mary snapped her fingers in front of his face, interrupting his thoughts.

“What?”

“Felix Felicis. Which part of the occamy is an ingredient?”

He blinked. “Oh…er…eggs.”