Just maybe

14 - Honesty

Honesty - a refusal to lie, steal, or deceive in any way.

Azzi didn't have a fully cohesive memory of what happened in the past few week. Sprawled out on her bed that Monday night, she tried to distract herself from thinking about a certain blue eyed blonde girl that has been occupying her thoughts for the most time. She tried to make herself busy, going to her classes, taking 2-3 hours of tutoring sessions instead of her usual one hour a day, going to the gym for practice and then on the weight room to work out, she's always the last one to leave. Geno and the other coaches would praise her for working hard everyday, putting more time in her work out and then staying a little bit on the gym to practice her shooting skills. Her teammates knew why she was doing it, they will give her a concerned look sometimes but she would brush them off telling them that her behavior has nothing to do with what she and her best friend are dealing with and that it was because she needed to prepare herself for the upcoming season. Of course they wouldn't push her because they don't want her to get mad and Azzi made sure that Paige wouldn't know about it either. She'd been avoiding her, only seeing her at practice since that's the only place she can't avoid her. Sometimes she would pick up her call but it'll only last for a few minutes because she always have some excuse that she needed to do or that she have a lot of homework that's need to be done. Sometimes she would left her messages unread for a couple of hours before she replies to them, trying not to give Paige the idea that she misses her. As much as she wants to talk and see her, it just hurts not knowing where she stands on Paige's life now. She wasn't sure if she needs to prepare herself to the changes that would happen once Paige decided that they should just stay as friends. She will accept it, not immediately but eventually she'll accept it. That's what she was telling herself.

Oh boy but she hate lying. She hates lying to herself, to her friends and specially she hated lying to Paige. When she told her she can wait for her, she believed her own words. She really did, she tried to be as patient as she could but as the days go by and Paige wasn't able to give her an answer it was becoming more difficult for her to put her heart on stand by waiting for her to reclaim it. She feels like she was on the edge of something she was waiting to be pushed off.

She understands why the blonde didn't want to risk it. She used to be on her shoes the first time she realized she had feelings for her. She understands that she was terrified. The fear of not knowing what would happen if she let her heart in control, the thought of losing the only person who you never want to lose. It's like a gamble, you don't know if you will win or lose, it's either you risk it all or you can play safe and just give what you think is worth it so that in the end the damage won't be that big and gives you enough space to fix it.

But Azzi already played her cards out, she offered all of her to Paige and it's her turn to make and decide her next move.

The day had been a blur but she knew some things. She knew that Caroline had been right to say earlier at practice that no matter what happened between the two of them, no one else mattered but them. It was just them. Either they chose to remain friends or take that leap of being something more. Azzi was ready though, all the fears and uncertainties she had before had vanished when Paige took her lips that first time on the blonde's childhood home.