How to be loved

28 - When the time comes

HOW TO BE LOVED

28 – When the time comes

Becky's POV

It's five in the morning, and I'm waiting for Freen in front of my condo building. The street is eerily silent, the only sound the occasional rustle of leaves in the gentle breeze. The darkness is slowly giving way to dawn, but it feels like an eternity standing here, alone with my thoughts. My mind is a storm of emotions, each one crashing into the next, making it hard to breathe.

Where is she taking me for the weekend? The question echoes in my mind, mingling with the guilt and confusion that have been my constant companions since her confession. It was her deal—an ultimatum I had to accept to earn her forgiveness for shutting her out after she revealed her feelings. She wanted to court me, and I had promised not to push her away, but I did. I couldn't help it. I was scared, terrified of what might happen if I let her in.

I try to justify my actions. I was protecting myself—and her, too. My heart still bears the scars of past wounds, and the thought of opening up again, especially to Freen, is overwhelming. The idea of being romantically involved feels like standing on the edge of a cliff, knowing one wrong step could send me plummeting into an abyss. The fear is paralyzing. What if it ends badly? What if she breaks my heart? The pain of being broken again, especially by her, is something I don't think I could survive. It would be a wound too deep, a blow too severe. It would destroy me, shatter me to my very core.

As these thoughts whirl in my mind, I stare blankly into the pre-dawn light, feeling the weight of my own fears and doubts pressing down on me. Every minute feels like an hour, the seconds stretching into an eternity. The world around me is waking up, but I feel trapped in a nightmare of my own making, unable to escape the torment of my thoughts.

Suddenly, a blurry image appears in front of me, snapping me back to reality. I blink, trying to clear my vision, and there she is—Freen, standing in front of me with a bright, infectious smile. The sight of her smile is like a ray of sunshine piercing through the storm clouds in my mind, but it also brings a fresh wave of agony. How can she smile so easily when I'm drowning in this sea of emotions? How can she be so hopeful when all I can see is the potential for pain and heartbreak?

Her presence is a stark reminder of the delicate balance I'm trying to maintain. The smile on her face, the warmth in her eyes, it's all so tempting, so inviting. Yet, the fear lingers, a constant shadow. I know that taking this step with her means risking everything, and the thought terrifies me. But as she stands there, her smile unwavering, I can't help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, the risk might be worth it.

Her smile falters slightly as she notices my hesitation, her eyes searching mine for a clue to my turmoil. She steps closer, her presence a comforting warmth against the chill of the early morning.

"Hey," she says softly, her voice like a balm to my frazzled nerves. "You ready?"

I want to respond with the same enthusiasm, but the words catch in my throat. Instead, I manage a nod, my heart pounding so loudly I'm sure she can hear it. Her hand reaches out, and I flinch involuntarily, the movement so subtle yet so telling. Freen's eyes flicker with concern, but she doesn't pull away. Instead, she takes my hand gently, her touch grounding me.

"Don't worry," she whispers, "I promise I'll do my best for this trip to be worth your time." Her tone is gentle but firm, a reassurance wrapped in determination.

I smile meekly, trying to match her confidence. "Where are we going?"

A mischievous glint appears in her eyes. "I won't tell you," she says with a playful grin.

I stop in my tracks, feigning suspicion. "Are you kidnapping me?" I ask, trying to ease the turmoil inside me with a bit of humor.

Freen laughs, a sound so light and genuine that it momentarily lifts the weight off my chest. "Maybe," she teases, squeezing my hand gently. "But trust me, it'll be the best kidnapping of your life."