Eviterno (AlanxJeff) VI

17

Jeff

— I... can I touch you? I mean... can I... can I help you? — I said in a quick, barely audible whisper, feeling my cheeks flush up to my ears and my heart pounding in my throat. If it was Alan... I wanted to try... I wanted him to feel good... I thought, growing more and more nervous.

Alan opened his eyes, perplexed, his breathing heavy as he tried to process what he had just heard. The room was dimly lit, illuminated only by the soft glow of the bedside lamp. The atmosphere was dense, filled with a mix of uncertainty and tension.

"Jeff..." he began with a trembling whisper, his voice barely audible. "You don't know what you're asking..."

"I... I do," I replied, struggling to keep my voice steady. I felt a lump in my throat and took a deep breath, trying to gather the courage I had left. "They... they explained a bit about how I should do it. I can... I can try, even though... even though I might not be very good. I want to try."

Alan frowned, his expression a mix of confusion and concern. "What do you mean they explained?"

I lowered my gaze, feeling vulnerable. "They give us classes on how to make them happy," I murmured. "About my duties as your husband. My obligations. I'm sorry, you've been so patient... no one... no one else would be like that. I have, I have my notes," I finished, trying to sound convincing.

"Duties? Your... your obligations? Notes?" Alan repeated, his voice full of incredulity. "The last time you mentioned notes, you were on the verge of a panic attack on our wedding night," he said with a mix of confusion and concern. "Jeff..."

I interrupted him, feeling the urgency to explain myself. "You just don't know because they throw you into practice," I tried to explain.

"I don't understand, throw us into practice? Wait, wait. You... you said classes..." Alan lowered his gaze, as if trying to decipher a difficult equation. "Jeff, tell me they didn't force you to practice anything. I'll kill them," he said, his voice growing more agitated.

"How did it all end up like this?" I wondered. "I don't understand, I wanted to bring us closer."

"No, it's just classes with drawings," I hurried to explain. "Wait and I'll show you." I got up quickly and searched through my things in the closet until I found my notebook with my notes. I handed it to him, and he took it, looking at me confused. He opened it and started flipping through it as he walked to the bed and sat on the edge. I sat next to him, feeling increasingly embarrassed. He was reading everything, even my little notes. "Maybe this... this was a bad idea," I thought.

After a few minutes, Alan sighed in frustration. "It traumatized you to the point that it ruined our wedding night. Yes, I should kill him," he said, closing the notebook forcefully. "Can I burn it? I'm sure it will burn easily."

"The... the teacher..." I whispered, frightened.

"No, the notebook. We need to burn this notebook, everything is wrong. When we have kids, they won't receive those so-called classes," he said, annoyed.

"I don't understand, what's wrong?" I asked, confused.

"Everything. Everything is wrong. Of course, you'd be scared. Duties? I just want us to be life partners. Your obligation to make me happy? You're not an object to satisfy me, you're my husband. I... I also want to make you happy," he said, both indignant and upset. He sighed again and looked at me intensely. "I can wait, Jeff. I've waited so long and I can still do it. Let's take it slow, but forget these notes. We'll do it our way," he said before pausing to take a deep breath.

Our eyes met, and I could see the conflict in Alan's gaze before he swallowed hard and asked me.

"You still... you still want to touch me?"