Most boring book you'll ever read

Chapter 15- Pain

Asher's pov

I wake up the next morning feeling...happy. I never feel happy in the mornings because I know there's nothing to be happy for.

but this time there is.

this time there's Brooke.

I'm gonna tell her. today I'm gonna tell her.

I Get up and change into some black oversized jeans with a black t-shirt and take my phone with me to the bathroom. 

I open my phone to see 15 missed calls from my mom. I instantly freeze.

My fingers tremble as I press the call button and the phone rings.

one ring.

two ring.

three ring.

on the third ring she finally awnsers and, well, shes a sobbing mess.

"mom what's wrong" I ask frantically

"he's gone" She says inbetween sobs "he's gone"  she says louder this time making her scream a scream full of pain and suffering. I could feel her emotions through the screen.

"mom who's gone" I say cautiously, partially not wanting to hear the awnser

"Jake" she says in a whisper before continuing her sobs. I don't hear them though. all I hear is my phone meeting the ground as my moms cries echo through my bathroom.

Jake is my brother. he's always been the one beside me, next so sam. I cant imagine my life without him. now I don't have to imagine.

Because its real.

At some point I'm on my knees. 

then on the floor.

then I'm crying.

I'm crying because he's dead.  I'm crying because he's the only one who understood me. I'm crying because I lost my person.

fuck please no.

....

"cmon Ash! lets go home its getting dark" 12 year old Jake says to me

"I don't wanna" 8 year old me says

"seriously we have to go home!" he says now getting irritated

"no! that's not home" I yell at him

"what do you mean?" he says now sitting on the curb next to me

"that's not my home. home is supposed to be where mommy and daddy are. mommy and daddy arnt there. that's not home" I say with tears in my eyes

He looks at me and hugs me

"mommy and daddy arn't there but I'm here. I'm here, Jackie's here and that's okay"

"NO I don't like Jamie shes the worst babysitter ever!" I scream

"well if you're not going home for Jackie go home for me. home doesn't need to be where mom and dad are. home just has to be where you've got someone who loves you. and I love you ash you're my brother."

I look up at him and hug him 

"I'll only go home if I get ice cream" I say

"deal" and with that we walk back home 

....

this isn't happening. Jake is at university right now. safe inside his dorm room with his tangled hair a mess like always. and he's smiling, waiting for me to call him.

I scramble to pick up my phone and hang up on my mom. I search for Jake's number and call.

one ring.

two ring.

three ring.

the rings keep coming until it goes to voicemail. I call again and again and again but no one awnsers.

because this is real.

and Jake is dead.

I scream. just scream until I cant anymore. my throat hurts and I'm running out of air but I keep screaming. I cant do anything else, I've ran out of tears so now I scream.

....

Its been a few weeks since Jake's death. we already had his funeral and Sam was right there by my side like always.

I love Sam and he means so much to me but no matter how much he tried to help me it wasnt working. 

hes not Jake.

he'll never be Jake.

Im numb now and i dont think i can hurt anymore than ive already felt.

I've started drinking.

It helps ease the pain a little but it still hurts like hell. 

I haven't gone to school in a while and my mom's starting to worry about my grades. They're the last thing on my mind but at least its a distraction from everything. all the hurt, the pain, the suffering. 

My mom drives me to school this time and says something to me but its disoriented like most of the time people try to talk to me. 

I get out of the car and walk towards the open doors of school.

I walk inside and drag my body to history class.

I take my seat next to Brooke and stare down at my desk not knowing what else to do but stare.

I've been doing that a lot these days, just staring.

"hey i need to talk to you later" Brooke whispers in my ear

I don't even look up to meet her eye because i know if i do i'll cry. i can hide my emotions from most people. my mom, my dad, Sam. but i cant hide from Brooke. i just cant.

I say something to that and continue to stare down.

"hey you okay?" she asks in her soft voice

this time i don't awnser her. i can feel a lump in my throat as i fight back tears. she needs to stop talking to me.

I feel vulnerable around her. when i hear her voice it just makes me feel the pain even more.

I need to do something to get rid of her. I cant hide from her and im not letting her know my pain, i cant do that to her. 

im not ready for this, i just want one more moment with her but i cant. if i keep her any longer i'll hurt her, im already too broken and I cant break her too.

I ignore her question and just sit in silence the rest of the class, hoping it doesn't end because I'm not ready for what I'm about to do next.

I'll never be ready.

Awww I feel so bad for Asher :( poor guy. will he ever recover? what tf is he bouta do to Brooke? I don't know either bc like I said I write as I go so like no planning what so ever.  Poor Brooke too because we all know what she wants to talk to him about. talk about TERRIBLE timing. 

hope you guys enjoyed the chapter,

I love you guys

stay happy byeee 

-D