LESEGO: HER TRAP

Chapter 14

FELICIA

I'm seated in the bathtub, naked and full of tears. Itumeleng is still in Bloemfontein with Martin and quite frankly, I don't want him to come back. He can even go to the firey pits of eteneral suffering for all I care! It's times like these that I hate. I've been in this phase with Itumeleng many times before. The phase where I hate him and I never want to see him again. The phase where loving him hurts the most. I won't be able to bear the sight of him, that I know.

What surprises is the fact that he's killed people before, but this one is the one that hurts me to the core because there was no justice at all for her. These Kunupis all have blood on their hands. Yes, including Rele and Gontse. They're not innocent, but so are we, the wives, their accomplices. We all have blood on our hands. They've killed before.
They've killed one of the Ndlanzis back in 2002 and that caused them to escape and go to Mpumalanga because they saw that there was no use fighting a losing war. When they came back Martin and Thato all went to jail. Khumbuzile was the one who had to bail them out because Itumeleng and I were busy navigating our lives while taking care of Lesego, Rele and Gontse. and from there on it became, and still is a never-ending war. And this is all over a dispute of cows and land.

As for the Zikalalas, a never-ending war might start too and I have a feeling this one will be bloodier, if that's even a word.

This family kills people that betray them and that are threats to them. And there were many people that betrayed this family over the years that ended up killed. They've got so many dead bodies to their name. Twelve bodies to be exact. I count them all, including Tshidi and it makes 12. Unless they killed more.
They kill people who stand in their way. They kill people who are threats.

I remember the first time I saw a dead body, it was in the the year 2000, a few months before Itumeleng and I moved to Germiston. I was in Hartswater. It was just me and Zile, Kaone was having her ups and downs with Thato. This was way before that house turned into a double-storey. It was small three-bedroom house, the smallest in that community.
It was early in the morning, about 6AM. It was my turn to make breakfast for the family. And there I was in the kitchen and Maria came to me and asked that I should help her carry something outside. Mind you, that night before she wasn't home. So I went, she opened the back of the bakkie and all I saw was a body wrapped in plastic. I was scared for my life, because how could someone be that heartless to kill someone and carry on as if nothing happened. I was shaking and crying and scared and she said to me "Soon you'll be dealing with this, so come!"
Out of my own will, I helped her carry it. Full of sweat and tears. We carried it all the way to the back room. Later that day Onalerona came to me said "If you betray this family, just like this man did, you'll end up just like him". From that day on I knew there was no turning back. I knew I needed to grow thick skin because I somehow knew that I was going to be witnessing more of this.
I was only 20, and now 16 years later here I am.

I should be doing other things, like planning how the hell I'm going to make it possible for Motso and Titi are going to celebrate their birthdays at the same time, but here I am. Naked, in a bathtub full of water, haunted by Matshidiso's death and her letter and hating the man I married.
When I first read that letter, I thought she had packed her bags and left and started afresh, leaving behind the trauma she experienced.

"Phimi." l

Why is he here? And how did he know--
I'm sure the kids told him.
I don't want to talk to him and I don't want to face him.

Felicia: "Get out."

Itumeleng: "Felicia..."

Felicia: "I SAID GET OUT!!!" I yell. "Get out!"