FELICIA
"I want you to show me her grave," I say to him.
I know we just woke up and it's still 08AM, but I'm tired of pretending. I thought about it the last few weeks of April and I want to start off May on a good note.
Okay, not exactly a good note, but somehow start it off with letting go of this thing that's been haunting me ever since.
Lesego doesn't know, which left me surprised because I thought he was part of the killing, but it was just Itu and Martin.
Itumeleng: "Are you sure?"
I look at him like he just spoke gibberish, because what the hell is he saying right now?
He knows this face.
Itumeleng: "Okay. I'll take you there."
__________
The weather suddenly changed when we entered the cemetery.
Hawu? It was just sunny.
Could this be a sign?
I'm beginning to have a bad feeling about this for some reason, but it's too late to turn back and it would irritate my husband. He doesn't like it when people suddenly change their minds.
We stop by her tombstone. It's the only one that stands out of all the plain ones we've seen as we walked by.
"In loving memory of a daughter, sister, aunt, granddaughter and great-granddaughter:
MATSHIDISO MOTSAMAI
Born:
29/03/1989
Died:
16/07/2012
Buried:
21/07/2012"
She was only 23. She didn't deserve to be killed so young. Tears are falling.
Itumeleng: "Aren't you going to speak to her?"
My mother is a devoted Christian, though, as much as I don't go to church anymore, there's still some Christian and biblical lessons she taught me, like to never speak to the dead. I think it's Deuteronomy 18:10 and it goes on until verse 14.
"Why?" I asked my mother. We were speaking about visiting my father's grave just so I could see him and she said, "Because they're dead. Your father can't hear you, but God can. You can always speak to Him."
And it just made sense that way and no one is going to convince me otherwise. Not even Itumeleng.
Felicia: "I don't speak to dead people." I respond, full of tears, "She was only 23, Itumeleng."
Itumeleng: "Then why are we here?"
Felicia: "To find closure."
I turn my face around to look at him who's eyes has been on this tombstone since we got here.
Felicia: "I want this to end, Marshall."
He's confused.
Felicia: "I want the killings to end. I want the terror to end. I want people to stop crying because of us. And I want Matshidiso's death to be reminder. Think about how I felt about this whole thing before you pull that trigger. Doesn't her death haunt you sometimes?"
He's completely still. Hands in pockets.
Itumeleng: "No." He whispers.
Felicia: "It needs to stop. Leave the industry if you must."
Itumeleng: "Omphimetse, I can't just do that."
Felicia: "Well then do it! I'm telling you to! I don't want to see anyone else dying! I'm tired of the killings, Itumeleng! I don't want any of our children becoming killers like you all! I don't Tlhalefo or Tumelo or Omphile or Brian or Leano inheriting that taxi business. If you must, join Kunupi Logistics."
Itumeleng: "Is that what you want?"
Felicia: "I'm tired of the bloodshed, Kunupi."
He looks down and sighs.
Felicia: "If you won't do it for me, then do it for the children."
He looks back up.
Felicia: "I want to see you live to be grandfather too. I don't want you to be killed because of this industry."
He won't speak, but I know he hears me. Itumeleng is not much of a talker so I know definitely listening. He comes closer to me and hugs me from the side. He looks like he is full of regret and remorse.
Itumeleng: "I'm sorry for what I did to Matshidiso. I see now why you're angry. Please forgive me."
Felicia: "I already have. Just promise me you'll never kill again."
YOU ARE READING
LESEGO: HER TRAP
Romansa"Now I'm here, 9 months later from the day we met, in Mpumalanga, with bruises that aren't as painful anymore, with six children calling me Ma and the seventh one that's also going to call me Ma when he's old enough to speak, with experience in a ja...
