MY BEST ADDICTION

Chapter 17

“I…. I…”, I started to say but couldn’t finish because I couldn’t tell him the truth. As if realizing something he clenched his jaw and his fists and closed his eyes as though trying to drive the thoughts away. Feeling a scolding coming my way, I fumbled with my coat and looked down at my feet. For some reason I felt very exposed even though I had my coat on. I unconsciously pulled the coat tighter to cover the non-existent nakedness of my body.
“You work here?”, he asked angrily that I felt a shiver down my spine and whimpered. It’s been awhile since I heard his voice and hearing it again was soothing even though he sounded angry at me. He got angrier when I didn’t give him an answer and stalked towards me making me step back. I got scared that he was going to get physical with me and even Haven’s presence didn’t calm me at all. I felt suffocated all of a sudden and held my coat tighter as if to protect myself.
“Is this why I couldn’t get in touch with you these days?”, he started to say and I could sense something was wrong.
“Seth be careful with what you say. I won’t allow you insult my friend”, Haven warned and I realized I wasn’t the only one feeling that something was wrong.
“What do you mean by that? I’ve been busy with stuff”, I muttered suddenly feeling docile. I moved away from him trying to calm my nerves and even my breathing.
“Are you too busy sleeping around to answer my calls now that you aren’t working with me? Wasn’t I enough for you?”, Seth asked and I flinched because it hurt that he was asking me that question. He was the only person I had any intimacy with during the whole vacation and here he was accusing me of something I wasn’t doing.
“How much did they pay you? Huh? How much are they paying you to sleep around with them? Are you that desperate for money?”, he asked and for once in my life I felt embarrassed and ashamed with myself for doing this job, not that I did any of what he was accusing me of but I guess it could be likened to that seeing as I was intimate with him the whole time. I tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall and bit my lip when I couldn’t hold it back anymore somehow suppressing the tears.
“That’s enough Seth. You can’t insult my friend and look down on her because she works with me. Aren’t you also the same by coming here to indulge in your desires? I allow anyone who wants to work or come here not because of who they are but of who they want to be. If you can’t accept that then there is no need for you to come here anymore”, she said upset. “And for your information she hasn’t ……”, she started to say but I stopped her when I realized what she was going to say.
“I’m sorry, I guess I wasn’t who you thought I was and I’m sorry too for wasting your time with me”, I said and left to my room to change back into my dress. I looked around the room reminiscing about the first day Haven showed me this room and felt some tears fall. I locked the door and went back to Haven’s office and saw them still in their original positions. I stood at the door and avoided their gazes readying myself for what I was going to tell them. I finally decided and walked to them with a smile on my face.
“I’m returning this. Today was actually my last day here and I was expecting to enjoy it and to end it peacefully but I guess life had another plan for me. Thank you for everything you did for me these days and for being patient with me. I’m sorry once again for everything. I don’t think I will be coming here so I won’t be needing this anymore”, I said smiling at them and placed my key on her table.
“What do you mean by this? Why are you returning your key?”, Haven asked worried. Everyone had two keys for their rooms, one for Haven and the other for the user of the room. The only time a user must return their key was when they were completely resigning or were fired from the job and me returning mine meant I was done dancing for the Nest. It hurt that I had to leave since I loved it here but my services were no longer required and so I wasn’t needed anymore.
“I’m sorry Haven but I guess I have to return my key earlier than planned. I would have returned it anyway since as I broke the rule of not disclosing my identity”, I said and sighed.
“You don’t have to leave, we can work something out so you can dance again. You can keep the key and think about this for some time, if you still want to leave then I will let you go”, she said trying to convince me. I knew she was doing all this because it was her work we were talking about but I knew she still did care about me, after all we became friends during our time together.
“I’m sorry Haven but I don’t think I can continue doing this. I’ve already decided and I hope you respect my decision, after all that was our agreement”.
“Please don’t do this Penny”, she said and I had a feeling she knew what I had decided to do after leaving the Nest.
“Okay, I guess I will be seeing you around”, she said and I turned to leave but stopped to glance in his direction since he hadn’t spoken after I came back from the room to find him in a daze. I sighed and left the office without looking back.
I left the Nest and stood outside reminiscing about the days I spent dancing in the Nest and how happy I felt during those days. I shook away the memories and watched the building for the last time before leaving to go home. Just as I entered my room, all the pain I felt and tears I held in came rushing back at me at full force that my legs buckled and I fell on my knees crying my heart out.
‘Why? Why me?’, I thought and curled myself crying. I think I cried myself to sleep because the next thing I knew it was morning and I was still lying where I was the previous night. I woke up feeling tired and drained but went about my day as best as I could.
I spent the rest of the week arranging my things and preparing myself for school. Haven tried to reach out to me numerous times but I always ignored her. I knew she was calling to check up on me and also help me get ready for school because she took it upon herself to get me ready for school, but things had changed now and I didn’t want to bother her, I wasn’t ready to face her now. Seth didn’t reach out to me and I was glad because I would have broken down if he had and tried to explain myself even though I knew he wouldn’t believe me. We both needed to get our thoughts and emotions straight before we could face each other again and I think he knew that, but I had no idea if he wanted to see me again and it hurt very painfully.
Since I finished arranging my things earlier than I thought I would, I left to school to get over the pain and also get used to the campus environment once again. I wasn’t that much of an exceptional student to be honest and I wasn’t always thrilled to be on campus either but for once I just wanted to bury myself with school to the point where my problems became non-existent.