Letters to Jimin

#Letter 65

Are you sure merch is sooo pretty...!!

Woahhh!!!

I wish I could buy one too....
Hmmm....

I watched the 5th episode today. It was so much fun....
It's so good to just watch you guys being chaotic and cute...n eating a lot.

Aah.....just made me realise how much I love you guys!
I know that already...it just reminded me once again....and how much I miss you!

Thank you once again....
We have got 2 more episodes...then behind the scenes episode too...
Then I am going to be incredibly sad I guess...
I am super spoiled as a fan...haha...I know.

I need to go to the library...I have finished all my books...I will go in the evening.
The library is huge....
When I first went there...it made me kind of breathless.
There are so many books....and I won't even be able to read half of it..
I literally browse around all the sections even after getting my books... It's a good feeling to be surrounded by books...lots of thoughts and emotions , words hidden in a book....wow!
It's slightly windy today...so less heat.
Evening is going to be better... hopefully.

Hmm...
There's a friend, Army friend, we never met but we are planning to meet in December.
We know each other for more than three years now. She's having a really hard time...
There's a lot going on..and yesterday her pet kitten died.
She literally took care of it the whole time because the mama kitty didn't give milk to this baby...so it was this friend who fed and took care of the kitten.
She is so upset.
What can we even say to someone who is so sad and lost a pet she loved.
I hope she heals.

I am not a pet person...never had one and I am scared to get one too.
I won't be able to handle these kinds of situations.

Nobody knows how to console someone who is grieving..right?
I certainly don't know.
I , myself, never talk about my father's demise... it's just hard.
Even my close friends don't know the details.
They all know that my father passed away when I was a kid.
They won't press for details...I don't elaborate either.
It's easy that way...for both the parties.

A few days ago, my friend was asking about it and she literally made me to say it all.
Because she wanted to know.
Hmm...
It was quite bad...to recollect everything.
I haven't forgotten anything..

It's just that I just tucked it away.
I remember my uncle telling me and my younger sister the news , in front of a church and taking us to the hospital to see him.
I was running a high fever. I was barely walking through the hospital.
I remember seeing my father inside the mortuary entrance before they took him away.
I came outside, vomited then I fainted too.
My memories are here and there...
In and out of consciousness.
Crying in sleep.
Later that night my blood results came and I had typhoid.
I remember the two doctors in the emergency room, who looked at me sympathetically.

I attended the funeral in the same condition.
Everything is a blur...I was barely there ..
After the funeral, my younger sister and I were taken to the hospital because we both were sick..

We missed school for more than a month.
I still remember my first day of school, post my father's death.
Everything was familiar but nothing the same...
There was a guava tree outside my classroom. I used to sit on the lower branch with my friends.
That day , I sat there in my violet frock with bunny pockets wondering what was going to happen to us?
How are we going to live?
When will my teachers and friends stop looking at me with pity in their eyes...

Time flew by...
And somehow we managed?
I don't know..
It's not that we moved on...a part of me still misses my father and wonder how different our lives would be have been...if he was around.
Well...who knows?

Instead...I /we build a life around the absence of him...
We all were good students...never caused any trouble...we became more responsible I think.
When you know that you don't have anyone to lean on except for your mom, who is working the whole day without rest to put food on your table, you automatically become responsible and grateful.

But still she tells me that she's disappointed in me..
She didn't tell me it in so many words but I just know what it is.
I should do better...
I know...but..aah...
It just made me sad... again. It's not the first time that I heard this and probably won't be the last either.
I don't know what to think anymore...

It's hard... it's still hard..but life goes on.

I wasn't planning to write all these things here... It's quite long...longer than usual..
My letters are becoming longer and longer...
My first letters are short..crisp..
I think I became way too comfortable here...hehe

What else is there to say.....???

My friend is doing well...
She cut her long hair short and coloured it ....
Looks lovely even though her mom gave her an earful..lol

An entire fall season in her hair...

Oh yes....and we saw this reel about naming a person based on their life.
Our names are given to us , by our parents when we were kids... there's nothing that relate to us as a person or what kind of person we are to others.
So we decided to give names to each other based on what kind of person we are to each other...to summarise ourselves as an epitaph...maybe??

So she named me as 'Peace'
I bring her peace.
I named her as ' Sunshine '
She brings me light, laughter and energy.

It was a fun task and we had a good laugh.
It's good to see her back in her elements...

If I have to summarise you as an epitaph...
Do you know what it would be?

Hmm....let me think...

It would be ' Love and Kindness '

Isn't that lovely?!

I hope you are doing okay Mimi.
Wherever you are... whatever you are doing...our thoughts are with you.

I hope you know that.

With love
Army. 30 August 2024

I am adding it here ...well...you looked gorgeous in this fit....so why not!!!!!