A Smile That Hides Pain (Karina x Male Reader)

Faces From The Past

Karina POV

"Hey so, why don't you like Yuqi?" Ningning asked as we walked to the mall. Good thing we were behind everyone else so they couldn't hear our conversation. "Because she's bad for Y/n and bad isn't what he needs, not right now." I said. "What do you mean not right now?" Giselle asked. "The other day, he opened up to me about how guilty he feels, since he's here, but Jeon and Jin aren't." I said as I glanced at Y/n who had a conflicted expression on his face as he walked. He was zoning out, probably thinking about Jin and Jeon. 

"He's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders from what happened. And that girl won't help his mental state. My gut's telling me she's going to hurt him, and I don't want to see someone I care about get hurt." I finished. "I... never knew that about him." Winter said.
"He doesn't really like to open up. And after what happened, I don't blame him." I said. 
"He's not the only one." Winter spoke. "We're here, Winter. If you ever need to talk, we'll listen. Never forget that." Giselle comforted her. "Thanks guys." She said.

"If you think she's bad for him, then maybe she is. But try not to antagonize either of them until she actually does something. Because if you're wrong, then you'll just be stirring the pot for no reason." Ningning spoke.

"Maybe you're right. I'll try, but I don't want to take any chances."

Y/n POV

As we walked, I took a glance to my left and almost choked on my own saliva. "What're you looking at?" Han asked as he noticed I was paying no attention to our conversation. "Uh, nothing. Sorry, just zoned out for a sec." I said, trying to dismiss his suspicions. But I definitely need to sneak away for a minute to talk to that guy.

When we got to the mall, I found the perfect excuse in the form of the bathroom. "Hey, I gotta use the bathroom. Don't wait up." I said as I walked over.  "Meet us at the arcade!" I heard Han say before they kept walking.

I hid next to the door and waited for him to come inside and, sure enough, he did.

"Arthur!" I said as I walked over. "Hey, kid." He said as he saw me. "Let's talk outside." I said, not wanting to cause a scene in the middle of the mall.

"Long time no see Y/n." Arthur said. "Not long enough. What're you doing here?" I asked. "Disappointing my wife. But I did make a promise." He said. "What promise?" I asked. "Kid... don't blame yourself for this but... shortly after you left, the gang fell apart." He explained. "... What?" I asked with raised eyebrows. "I won't tell you more, because I don't know more. All I know is that Jeon wanted me to give you this letter." He said as he reached into his satchel and pulled out a letter.

I reached for it, but he moved it away and grabbed my hand. "Listen, last time I saw Jeon, he wasn't looking to good. Pale as a vampire and coughing blood. Unfortunately, he's probably dead. I want you to know that, before you read this." Arthur said before handing me the letter and walking away to a motorcycle and riding away.

I released a breath I didn't realize I was holding and slowly opened the letter.

Dear Y/n, my brother

Part of me doesn't want to tell you this because I know you'll blame yourself, but I'm telling you this because I don't want you to blame yourself. I'm dying, brother.

I hadn't even read a third of the letter and I was already shedding tears just from reading the first two sentences. My brain quickly filled itself with possibilities and scenarios of what would've happened if I stayed.

Do not blame yourself for my death. I brought this upon myself and still would've gotten sick even if you didn't leave. My only regret is that I didn't go with you. Dutch is going off the rails. Killing folk in cold blood, doing exactly what he always told us not to. And Micah is his 2nd in command now, always getting in his ear, dick riding him like there's no tomorrow. Not much is left of this gang. Thankfully, I managed to get Arthur out of this life and he's settled down with that Mary Gillis lady. I've been trying to do the same for John, Jack, Abigail, and Jin but I fear my days will run out before I have the chance.

Unfortunately, I couldn't save everyone. Hosea was held hostage and got shot by Pinkertons during a robbery. Got young Lenny too, shot him in the chest with a double barrel. Jenny, Davey and Mac: All died from the Blackwater Heist. Sean was saved before he could die to Pinkertons, but got shot during a shootout with another town.

The gang is pretty much dead and I wish, more than anything, that me and Jin had come with you. But it's too late for that now. I don't know if I can help John's family and Jin get out of this. But I'll try, with everything I have.

I love you brother, even though you left, I love you. Never forget that.

Kim Min-jeon.

I was breaking down by now. All those people. The people I saw as family. Were dead.

Jeon asked me not to blame myself, but how can I not? If I was there, I could've done something. Anything. Maybe I could've saved Lenny or Sean or somebody.

I sat on the ground outside the mall for what felt like hours, contemplating how things could've turned out. What would life be like if I stayed? 

Cons: Haerin would still think I'm dead. So would the rest of my friends. And my parents. And Karina

Pros: I could've saved Hosea or Davey or Sean. I could've been there to help stop the gang from falling apart.

While I was weighing my options, that's when it hit me. These were all IFs. I was telling myself that I could've done something, but if I stayed, I probably would've died too. Still, that realization didn't pull me out of the pool of guilt I was drowning in.

I somehow managed to pull myself together and go back inside the mall and saw Karina sitting at a nearby table. "You waited for me?" I asked, still rubbing my eyes to get the tears to stop flowing. "Someone had to. I doubt you still know your way around." She said as she got up.
"You okay?" She asked as she noticed my dried tears. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Let's just find everyone else." I said.

I tried to walk past her, but she grabbed my arm and pulled me into a  hug.

"I'm here if you need anything okay? Always." 

"Thank you. For being here."