Dielive [ENGLISH]

TWELVE

I didn't know whether to be angry or disappointed.

How could... Jason Smith—my best friend, declare my death a suicide? I'm not that weak!

"She didn't want to move to Florida, did she?" Jason asked. His voice was shaking. "I never thought she'd end his life rather than live with Lady Jane."

Dad was still silent. His gaze was directed at my grave again. "Maybe."

I really didn't understand what was on Jason's mind. In the past, when we did math homework, he always helped me with the difficult problems. Problems that I couldn't understand. But now his smart brain couldn't think straight!

The idea that I committed suicide because I didn't want to move to Florida was ridiculous. I hated Mom and didn't want to live with Phil, but I never once thought about killing myself.

Jason's expression was still full of pain. I tried to figure out if he really said it or just blurted it out, but Jason always thought things through.

If I were still alive, I would have hit him on the head so he would regret accusing me of committing suicide. However, that was impossible. I was dead. I couldn't do anything.

"I'll wait for the police report. I don't want to assume anything about Nadya's death," Dad said. "Then, I'm going to the hospital."

I was about to stop him from walking away, but his steps were too steady. It was hard to believe. My worries came true. Dad buried his sadness in his work. While Jason? He didn't have a job. So his sadness buried him.

In the end, I chose to follow Jason to his house. He was using a skateboard and I knew that if I walked, he would be gone first. My body was now transparent and weightless, I stood right behind Jason on the skateboard, riding him.

Jason seemed to feel my presence behind him. He looked back repeatedly with a furrowed brow. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. I chuckled. Now I'm a ghost. So funny. He's scared of me to the point of shivering.

It took thirty minutes to get to Jason's house from the cemetery. Jason's room was still the same as when I came last Christmas: painted blue like Andy's room in Toy Story.

His bed was neat. His study table was neat. All the details in this room were neat. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's books - all the Sherlock Holmes series were neatly arranged on the bookshelf in alphabetical order. His mother's photos were neatly lined up on the study table. Clearly, he was a perfectionist.

Jason threw his skateboard to the end of the room and ran to get a photo frame of us when we were in elementary school.

"I'm so ugly," I snorted. Of course Jason couldn't hear me. "You too! Look at your face! Wearing glasses and all! So nerdy!"

I laughed out loud, but when Jason sat still hugging the photo frame, I became quiet too. He was sobbing.

"Why did you do this? You're so cruel!" he shouted, cursing my photo.

There's nothing more painful than seeing someone you love sad and you can't do anything about it. I have never seen Jason sob like this except when his mother, Mrs. Adeleine Smith, died.

Mrs. Adeleine Smith had lung cancer. Her death should not have come as a surprise to those who knew about her illness.

However, Mrs. Adeleine was a good person. Very good. She was as pure and honest as an angel. Although the people in Beverly who knew Mrs. Adeleine already knew she had lung cancer, her death was a shock to many.

The children who Mrs. Adeleine used to give free toys to came to the funeral. I was five years old at the time and the children were the same age as me. Even though they were not blood relatives, they cried until they sobbed.

Mrs. Teresa loved Mrs. Adeleine. Almost every week after church, even now, she still stops by Mrs. Adeleine's grave and places a white lily on her grave. As for Jason? His mother's death destroyed his life.

His father changed. He became busy and womanized. Jason became passive, easily sick and whiny. Aunt May often saw Jason abandoned in front of his house after he came home from Gary's Supermarket.

So Jason who was five years old, with snot in his nose came to my house and I saw his reddish white face with sea blue eyes for the first time on my porch. That was the first time we met.

Because of Mrs. Adeleine's departure and the feeling of betrayal by his father made Jason not easy to trust anyone except Aunt May, Dad, and me. Now I have left him. Just like his mother.

"Running away with me to London is better than having to commit suicide!" Jason said again.

"I'm not committing suicide, Jason," I whispered beside him.

I tried to whisper as close as possible in his ear, but

It was useless. He didn't hear me. Jason lowered his head. I gave up. If there was a way, whatever it was, for me to tell Dad, Jason, and the police that I didn't commit suicide, I would, but I couldn't find any way. I was just this unclear spirit floating around.

Jason's conclusion that I committed suicide made sense. Jason knew everything about my feelings. How much I loved Dad, hated Lady Jane, and wanted to live with Dad in Chicago. So the conclusion made sense. I committed suicide.

However, I didn't do it.

"I didn't commit suicide," I said confidently.

After the party, I went straight to my room, about to pack my things to take to Florida and eat Retty-Tetty candy. Retty-Tetty! That grape gum couldn't have expired. So it must have been poisoned! There was poison in it! It was obvious. Someone put poison in Retty-Tetty. I couldn't believe it, I died just because of Retty-Tetty.

How fragile human life is, ending just because of a piece of gum.

Who dared to kill me? I'm Lady Jane's son! If Mom ever finds out who did it, she definitely won't hesitate to ask her friend at the bar first - a big muscular thug with a weird Spanish accent - to beat up the person who killed me. And Dad will definitely put him in jail until he dies!

But who?

The wind blew through Jason's open bedroom window. Jason lifted his face. I'm sure we really have a spiritual connection because the name he mentioned was on my mind too.

"Phil."