A Bloody Smile In The Dark

Let your dirty sadness fill me up just like a balloon

"Roger...."

It sounded familiar, but wasn't my name so i let it go.

"At least you fixed your hair"

DAMN

"Bond girl?"

She looked so different from the last time i'd seen her. Something was missing but i couldn't pin-point what it was. Her voice was still the same though. Still able to send chills down your spine. And yes, i myself can't believe i'm saying this.

"Duder..i wear way too much black and my booby game's a tad weak to be one. Appreciate it though"

I reckoned her sarcasm was still intact too. Good. Not sure how to respond to that physical assertion i walked over to her instead.

"Well..how about your name then? I'm Jim" - i said offering my hand.

"Is it short for something or...? I'm Judith"

NOW...

"No,it's a simple three word name. Yours on the other hand, quite high sounding"

"Not sure if it's a compliment. I like yours. Short and effective. Straight to the point" - she kept nodding while showing no other kind of emotion. Me on the other hand i felt like i was going to have a stroke or something.

"Uhm..why are you turning into a tomato? You're really a cartoon then!" - it must've showed.

"In a way i guess. It's nothing, happens all the time" - i lied.

"Where are you headed anyways?"

"I'm going back home to my sister's for the holidays. You too?" - She actually looked interested; for the first time.

"Not really. I'm going to Italy for work, It's going to be a while"

The speakers separated us before we could take the conversation to a more personal level. A shame.

Maybe i would see her again...

For how bad my memory has gotten over the years, i'll never forget those moments, those words, those glares. I guess it doesn't take much to remain stored in someone's deep spiritual casket. I feel strangely reassured by that.

Honestly i don't even know why i've gone to recall all that. I never meant this to be an autobiography or some chain of events depicting the story of my life, which i believe is the same. One thing is to put the pieces together, another is to revisit them like a bad movie.

I'm so confused. It's chaos.

"Dad...oh dad...this room still feels weird"

My baby girl. My joy, my pride..just like her mother.

"Sweetie don't come in here. You know it's no good"

My, how time has passed...

It's getting dark but my brain is more awake than ever. It always worked better when the lights were low. My gift and curse. As i try to make sense of my messy existence my eyes fall on a box stashed away in a corner. I thought i had gotten rid of them...she probably didn't want to...

Ah memories...nothing but memories. I forgot how many pictures i had taken over the years. I've seen so many places and seen so many faces...wait. This isn't some cheesy song! Still true though. Every new face i came across i had to render immortal, even if i had no idea to whom it belonged; especially then. I always thought there is no such thing as a stranger. Every single person we stumble upon, even just for a second, every eye contact or lack of such, are all part of our special luggage we carry to our grave. They all make us feel something on the very moment, aware of it and not. Beautiful.