A Bloody Smile In The Dark

I'm afraid that tomorrow is just too far away

6.32 a.m. Friday basically didn't happen. Or better yet, it happened too much. It came crashing at the highest speed imaginable making me too scared to be tired. My memory's stuck to the little girl...Alyssa, i believe. She didn't deserve this. Here's to hoping she'll find good hands to hold soon.

And let's hope i didn't fuck up the bureaucratic bits. If i did, i better book an early flight back to where i'm from right now and dig my own grave, 'cause i won't be walking on this planet anymore. The number of people i could let down or have already is huge and this is absolutely nuts. I mean..hell. What took over Woodward's mind when she thought allowing a random kid from the other side of the ocean with no real life experience, to serve as a stand-in nurse with no supervision would be okay? I was super extra careful with every single aspect really giving my all, scraping the bottom of my human resources or lack thereof, but there's a million things that could've gone wrong.

Last night's main lieutenant is standing outside with his head towards the sky, likely talking to whomever may be there. It was tough. His men and women have been hit and it was clearly a lot more than regular work routine, anyone can see it just by how worn out and empty they carry themselves. I overheard some cop say it was a personal act aimed directly at them, adding they shouldn't have survived. This isn't the type of stuff i had in mind.

For some reason, maybe 'cause he caught me staring at him through the glass doors between us, he turned around smiling warmly at me and it feels good to smile back. Maybe this darn coffee will gain some taste now.

"Still here?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"Fair enough. But i'm the one who got shot, smart panties" - This guy, i swear.

"With all due respect sir, don't ever call me that again. Ever." - Is he laughing at me or with me? I can't tell. I'll sink deeper into these chairs just in case.

"I'm no sir. I won't call you that if you don't call me this. Deal?"

"I suppose so. Plus we might never see each other again, so it's good" - My anxiety's having anxieties.

"I hope not. Wait, not in that sense. I mean i hope not to never see each other again..as in i hope we will see each other..."

"Yeah yeah, i get it. We'll see"

"Right. Uhm..maybe not the same way. And after a shower too"

"Are you saying i stink?"

"What... no! I'm saying we're both bloody and sticky and gooey and it's not even all ours. It's not very nice"

"Yeah that's true, it's kind of gross. I'm glad you're on your feet"

"I'll be fine. As usual. Uhm..i should probably go home and take that shower i brought up, it was good talking to you"

"Get some rest. Back to you officer" - He offered me his hand, which i happily took, as he did more than he knows last night. Having someone to talk to, although embarrassing and inappropriate, was quite practical. It kept me focused and not mentally drifting, like now.

"Uhm..Ryland. Call me Ryland, screw being professional. Not after the last few hours"

"If you say so then...take care" - I wonder if he can see alright. A pretty bad rash surrounds his left eye partially disguising a couple of painful looking deep cuts above it. He's trying so hard not to let his flinching show, but i have a developed penchant for details. Not that it matters.

"You too...Verena right? Anya mentioned it" - So that's her name...

"Correct. Well uh, i'm gonna go looking for her now. Goodbye"