A Bloody Smile In The Dark

On and on, reckless abandon

Alarm clock

Door

dizzy

Hallway

bloody

Chair

nothing

blur

kitty

I start to crawl and i'm...floating?

Ok here we go. 1,2,3!

I open my eyes to see i'm awfully still here. My plan failed somewhere along the way; I'll have to count this as rehearsal. Again. I'm in a bed with sheets so thin they could've been plainly avoided to be put on all together. I'm freezing and pissed off.

The window to my left is open. I mean, of course. Who wouldn't let some breeze come inside an already cold as heck room...It's bright, probably morning light. So bright i can barely see. As i try my best to squint putting my sight into functioning mode, i spot two figures towering me through my misty watery eyeballs. They're dressed in white and all i can make out of their whispers is "she's too hairy" ; "can't find her veins" ; "not sure what we're doing here on a Saturday" ; "the weather's too nice to be stuck here". Basically, either hell had frozen over and Charon had gotten replaced by two really dumb bimbos or i was in a freaking hospital.

I grunt in pain and the two leave immediately, i sure am not a pleasant view. I attempt to adjust myself even more when a freaky looking man comes closer. I've seen him somewhere before but i'm still too confused to focus.

"So...can i get you anything? My do you look different!"

The fuck...

"I'll call your mom"

Are we sure i haven't gone?

"Do you feel like talking?"

"J---Jim?"

"Ah! You still have your memory! Praise the lord!"

Or not.

"Not that i'm not happy to see you, but this is just too embarrassing"

Jim. The man who has been more of a father figure to me than my own for..well ever since the day i met him. I just always made sure not to let him know.

The main question asks itself though: why is my high school teacher here instead of my parents? Or better yet, why is he here at all?

"What are you doing here?"

"Now that's a silly question and you know that" - That stupid grin of his lives on apparently.

"Enlighten me" - the poor man looks so uncomfortable...

"Look. I'll go straight to the point. I was checking on your class to see how you guys had been doing after school and when i couldn't reach you directly, i called your house. Your father picked up and said you were in the hospital, so here i am. Don't ask me why, but here i am"

"So you came all the way here to ask me how i put my degree to use? Ruthless. Dude, why do you wanna know? You could've told him to let me know you called and i would've hit you back. No need to show up" - I'm not angry. I can't feel anything at all at the moment, that's why it probably sounded way harsher than i meant it. But seriously. Meh.

"Yeah i know. I'm sorry about that. I'll leave. I don't even know why i came here" - It did. I should apologize before he walks out.

"Wait, let me try this again. Understand me a second. I just woke up after i don't know how long which is the opposite of what i tried to achieve. I'm here cold and alone, and all of a sudden my English teacher wants to know what happened to me. I don't even know what happened to you! And trust me, every former student gets the gossip going about everyone, so i ended up knowing about every other one of your colleagues. Did i give a damn? No, but i couldn't escape it. I'm automatically supposed to be interested every time i bump into someone from that time. Where am i going with this? What was i trying to say?" - A strange lightness is starting to wash over me...

My mind drifts to sometime a year ago. I'm walking back home when i'm approached by the ever so lovely ms Fassoni. I never shined in her subjects but then again, who does at maths and physics? My tendency not to study that hard also didn't help for sure. Still, she greeted me with her cute little crooked smile hugging me. She was terribly nice and stood out amid the other tutors for being an absolute sweetheart. She was also an avid talker, which means she filled me in with each one of my mates' reactions to their final grades and how they had a hard time giving us what we deserved and so on. Heavens know i did for 20 minutes what i had done a thousand times before during her classes: smile and nod politely. Did.Not.Care.

After i found out way more than i possibly would have wanted, even about people i had barely exchanged a word with, i dismissed her feeling absolutely lost. Long story short, i seemed to be the only one not to have a clue about her future. And the most frightening part was it didn't matter.

Fast forward to today and not a thing has changed.

"I think you should back it up a little..."

"Oh yeah. The point is: i've heard about everyone but you. And you're the only dude i ever tolerated"

"Right.."

"This is awkward you know?" - Why does this whole little muppet show feel so wrong?

"Alright, listen. By the detached coldness i got from your parents mixed with your hostility, i suppose you're not here for a simple flu. I was just making sure everyone got the happy ending they wanted. I'm sorry i worried. I'll drop it"

Now i feel like shit. Not that i felt any better before, but those words stung like a motherfucker. There stands the only person who actually gave a damn about me during some of the most awful years of my life and i have the nerve to treat him like any other transitory person in my life.

"I didn't turn out the way you had imagined. I'm not proud".