A Bloody Smile In The Dark

There's no such thing as too young when second chances won't leave you alone

4:46 p.m.

Man, i should've at least called Woodward by now. But fucking hell, do i need a shower too.

Breathe.

"Dr. Woodward's office. Annie speaking, who is it?" - I never interacted with nice people before. How do i sound confident and respectful simultaneously? What if she's forgotten about me?

"Uhm, hello. My name is Verena Reddi. I'm supposed to be acting as an understudy for Dr. Woodward this weekend. Or as an assistant, i'm not sure what she has planned."

"I Am her assistant"

"Oh, i'm sorry. I'm not here to steal your job...listen, could you please tell me if it's possible to meet her right now?"

"Hang on" - Hell yeah i'm hanging on.

We're all just weird kids in the end

Nope. Don't start drifting now. Behave.

"She'll be in her office after shift to get paper work done, so you could stop by between 6 and 7.30. No later than that"

"I'll be there at 6. Doesn't matter if i have to wait for her to be done. As long as i can see her"

"You sound like a crazy fan"

"What? No. Not at all. I'm just really eager to get started. Plus i heard a lot of great stuff about her..." - Why am i lying? I have never seen or heard about her before.

"I believe you. Not an individual on earth hasn't heard stories..." - Is she calmer now? Did i dodge the bullet? She sounds annoyed. Can't blame her.

"Are you there?"

"Yes. Yes i am. Could you please tell her i'll be there?"

"No need to. Just show up, i'll be at the reception desk. That's where i am when she's in her office" - Maybe she's just tired...i'll buy her a drink.

"Alright then. Thank you so much for your kindness. See you soon"

"Yeah right. Goodbye"

Dude...

Not important, I'm making progress. Now a shower, without a doubt. I have less than an hour to make it....FUCK. I have no idea how to get there. If i keep this up i'll spend all my money on cabs... Hope it's close.

Crazy how during the darkest hours, it's the little things to remind us we're alive. We're able to perform truly awful acts when we black out, unaware of how far we can really go. We continuously push facing the aftermath of our actions further and further down the line because, let's face it, we'll do it again.

I can barely look at myself right now, but the warm water sliding down my skin is making miracles. My chest is heavy, my conscience heavier. Thank fuck for clothes, or my chances of functioning in this society would be dramatically slimmer. Ignoring the battlefield my body has become is a hard act but i have to toughen up and pull through.

Easier said than done. The warmth from the steam combined with my blood pressure is making me dizzy and staring at the hot liquid going down the drain is now the most interesting thing on the planet. I know i have to be at the hospital shortly but i need this for my sanity; or whatever's left of it. I wonder what Woodward would say if she knew the girl she's about to spend the weekend with is hypnotizing herself in the shower in order not to cave in to her mental breakdown.

Come Tuesday she'll have regretted helping me out, big time.

The long black wide one with flats or the shorter grey one with heels?

Here i am standing in front of the mirror like a freaking fool attempting to choose between two dresses to wear to dinner as if my life depended on it.

"You should pick the larger one. It can conceal some extra pizza!"

Fine. I'll put on the grey one; if i have to swear in Japanese from the pain those heels will cause me.

Rule number one: never allow mother to win a round.

"Where does this one think she's going? Ha! The fair isn't in town for another month!"

Yeah maybe there was more adipose tissue than dress fabric to take in, but now that i look back at it, his underwear weighed more than all of his muscles put together and absolutely didn't need to be out of his loose pants at all. Britney telling Christina her boobs are fake...ugh.

Wallet,check. Keys,check. Papers,check. Spare heart valves...perhaps i'll find some at the medical center.