Beneath the Archers' Sky (Iskolar ng Bayan Series #1)

Epilogue

Epilogue

I always thought death would feel… different. Maybe I expected it to be loud, dramatic—like in the movies where everything happens in slow motion. But it’s not like that. It’s quiet. Too quiet.

Nakatingin lang ako sa kisame ng kwarto ko habang nararamdaman kong dahan-dahan nang bumibitaw ang bawat hinga ko. Wala nang sakit ngayon. There’s just a numbness—calming, almost peaceful. Pero hindi ‘yung katahimikan na nakakatakot. It feels like… finally, I can let go.

Naalala ko bigla yung mga ngiti nila Mama, Marco, Gab, pati na rin nila Mariane, Micah, at Max. They were all so brave when I told them. Sabi ko nga sa sarili ko, ako na lang sana yung malungkot, ako na lang sana yung mahirapan. I wanted them to keep living, to keep smiling—kahit na hindi na ako magiging bahagi ng mga susunod na araw nila.

Tears fill my eyes as I think about them, but I don’t fight them anymore. Sanay na ako. I've shed so many tears na parang wala nang natitira sa akin, but now… now I just let them flow.

“Max, anong gusto mong maging paglaki mo?” I asked him one evening, habang nakayakap siya sa akin sa kama.

“Superhero po!” he answered proudly, his eyes twinkling with excitement. “Para lagi kita ma-save, Ate Macy.”

My heart cracked at that moment. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand that this time, he can’t save me. Walang magagawa ang superhero powers ni Max ngayon. But I smiled, hugging him tighter. “You’ll be the best superhero, Max. I know it.”

Mariane and Micah walked into the room, laughing about some silly thing from school. When they saw me and Max, they both jumped onto the bed, making Max giggle. “Ate, kwento mo ulit yung dream mo nung bata ka?” Mariane said, her eyes full of curiosity.

“Yung dream ko?” I chuckled softly, brushing Max’s hair from his face. “I used to dream of becoming a psychologist, alam niyo ba yun? Pero mukhang hindi na ‘yun mangyayari.”

“Bakit?” Micah frowned, her eyebrows knitting together. “Kaya mo pa naman eh.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. They were all so hopeful. Hindi nila maintindihan na wala na akong oras. “Eh kasi… minsan, may mga bagay tayong gustong makamit, pero hindi natin laging nakukuha. Pero okay lang yun, kasi at least, I tried. And I want you guys to try for your dreams too, okay?”

They both nodded, but I could see the confusion in their eyes. They don’t know. They don’t know I’m saying goodbye.

Gab visits me almost every day now. And every time he walks through that door, I can see it in his eyes—the pain, the fear. Pero kahit ganun, lagi siyang nakangiti para sa akin. He tries to stay strong, to be the Gab I’ve always known, but sometimes, I catch him staring at me when he thinks I’m asleep. He doesn’t know na napapansin ko.

Minsan, tinanong ko siya, “Gab, bakit ka bumalik sa buhay ko?”

He looked at me, surprised by the question, but after a moment, he answered softly, “Because I was always meant to, Macy. Hindi ko alam noon, but now… I know.”

I smiled, even though every word he said just made it harder to breathe. Kasi totoo ‘yung sinabi niya. He was always meant to be here, even if it’s just for this chapter of my life. Pero hindi ko na siya makakasama sa next.

I tried to prepare them for this. For this exact moment when I’d finally have to say goodbye. Pero kahit anong sabihin ko, kahit ilang paalala pa, it will never be enough. Kasi sa dulo, I’ll still be leaving them behind.

Pero alam ko, they’ll be okay. Gab will be okay. Marco will be okay. Mama will be okay. Lahat sila, eventually, they’ll move forward. They have to.

And maybe, they’ll look back every once in a while and think of me. Maybe Mariane will remember how I’d stay up late helping her with homework. Maybe Micah will smile when she remembers how we’d sneak out for milk tea. And maybe Max will still try to be that superhero, even if he couldn’t save me.