His Paws On My Palms [DoShin]

CHAPTER 17: HOPELESSLY DEVOTED

𝙈𝙊𝙍𝙉𝙄𝙉𝙂 clouds greeted me with calmness as I rode my bike to school. It has become my routine to come to school early; I just get used to it. Well, thanks to Shinyu for that; if it wasn't because of him, I wouldn't care if I arrived at school a minute before the class.

It's finally our examination period, and after this, I have a week of peace, Shinyu-less...

I halted from smiling when I remembered his good deed yesterday and what Jay had told me...and suddenly...

"This one, I envy Jay for being so close to you."

It popped up in my mind out of the blue, and I can literally picture the exact situation and his facial expressions when he said that.

To be honest, there's nothing to envy about being close with Jay. Everything Jay does around me is pure and with sensitivity, and that's what he missed from him.

"The way you can look at each other..."

Maybe if he doesn't force things, I would've looked at him, but not in a special way...

"The way you can talk to him..."

What's special about talking? If he only knew that Jay and I are both against talking too much, he would be aware of how energy-sapping it is.

Sometimes, even though I never wanted it to happen, it still comes to my mind-a question. I wonder what runs inside his mind?

Why, among all people, does he choose me?

I suddenly remembered what he said, which made me uneasy...

"It gives me a reason to question myself."

"Why don't I deserve your attention?"

"Why, every time you see me, I feel invisible to your eyes..."

These phrases he told me-I don't know where they were coming from. He is popular inside and outside the campus; based on his looks, he seems wealthy and nepotistic, plus he has a girlfriend he can spend time with all the time.

He literally has everything that some people would die just to have. Was he taking everything for granted?

Ugh! I don't want to contemplate a lot; he's actually driving me crazy right now!

There's nothing special about me; if he wants friendship, why doesn't he find someone else? Why must it be me?

Even Jay defends him from me, but I don't see it exactly, or should I give him a chance to know him better?

It felt like one of the reasons I'm here was completely wiped out. When I met Shinyu, I never wanted to improve myself anymore, to become sociable, and to find better friends. I preferred to stay the same and just don't give a shit to anyone. I grew up having only one friend, but the relationship we had was inseparable... not until fate decided to part our ways.

If I give him a chance, would it benefit me? or would it just benefit him?

As soon as I felt something inside me, I cleared my thoughts and proceeded to my destination-the classroom. Why am I even bothering myself with such trivial matters when today's most important goal is to finish the exam and get a high score?

As usual, Jay was already sitting on his seat while playing. When he saw me, he nodded and welcomed me. Yes, that's it. A short greeting easily concluded our conversation, and it feels nothing but peaceful.

There's still a lot of time before we start, and suddenly, a not-so-interesting thing got me curious... My innermost was begging me to ask Jay about it, and I don't have any idea what caused it!