Aurora Costello.

Chapter 43

2 weeks later

I had enough.

I couldn't handle the looks of pity from my whole family, the incessant need to constantly protect me and keep me from harms way. I never had a protector, I never needed one, I was on my own and still am. The fact that my whole family felt the need to constantly bombard me with constant questions and treated me like I was a sheet of ice that would completely break at the snap of a finger did nothing but piss me off.

I've decided to take control of my life. For years I've had zero control, I haven't been allowed to live the life I wanted, I haven't been able to smile, or laugh freely - haven't been able to make a choice for myself I've been stuck with people making choices and taking them away from me.

After i found out about my heart health, tried the first step to recovery and then found out the consequences of the rape I decided a year for myself was what will help me heal. I didn't need to just heal from what had happened recently, I need to heal from the pain and anguish I've had no choice but to endure for my entire life. I won't keep living in the past.

So I decided to take 1 year to myself. 12 months. 365 days.

1 year and I'll be ready.

Initially when I told my brothers and the rest of my family they where against it, they where incessant that I wasn't ready to move away after going through such traumatic events but after a while they got used to the idea and where a lot more accommodating. I think it's safe to say they understand where I'm coming from now and are willing to let me find happiness. My friends had really similar feelings and thoughts about the whole, me travelling for nearly a year, they voiced their concerns but also their happiness that I am finally putting myself first.

Blade. He was a completely different story, he was not too happy about the announcement and he voiced that loud and clear! I'm still mad at him, but I saw the hurt in his eyes when I told him I was leaving. I think he confused it with me leaving him.

After I told my friends and family about the rape they all had a look of hesitcance and pity in their eyes whilst they spoke to me, I know they don't mean it in a malicious way but it makes me feel weak. After everything I've overcome and everything I lived through I don't need to feel weak, and I especially don't need to be made to feel less than the powerful badass I am by the people who I call family. But blade was different. He was softer and gentle with me but he'd always been like that, he never made me feel like I was being pitied. I never saw an ounce of guilt or hesitation in his eyes. I saw faraway looks and admiration but never pity.

And because of that some of the resentment I had towards him because of Alexandre's death dissipated. I can't say I'm mad at him, I don't think I ever really was, something about him recently, he makes me smile without trying and he makes this weird sensation pop up in my core whenever he's near. I won't be telling him that any time soon.

Enough about blade!

I'm actually on a plane to Hawaii right now. This is where I will live for my first month. The aim of my game is to travel to a different country every month, learn something new like a hobby, try something new like food or new music, and disassociate from the torture I've had no choice but to suffer for years.

I have two more hours on the plane and I'm writing birthday cards to send  for the whole family. I was supposed to spend my birthday with Dante and Emilio because it was our first birthday together in over a decade but shit hit the fan before I left and so I left in the middle of the night. It's 11 minutes to midnight and although I'm proud of myself for being selfish and doing something for myself for once, I still feel really bad for leaving all my boys and my parents on the day they've been waiting for since the night I got kidnapped.

I had to do this for me. For my fucking sanity.

It's now officially 12am and I've just turned 18. I feel no difference but to just complicate my life more I send two messages. One to the family group chat that has everyone in it and the second to the mafia leaders.

🏅familia 🏅
"Feliz cumpleaños hermanos (happy birthday brothers), Im on a plane to my first country of the year. I'm not going to tell you where I am but if any of you need me in an emergency you have my number! I needed to disconnect for a while, feel a sense of freedom that I've never before felt. Please understand manos (bro's) that this isn't about you, it's about me choosing to live instead of survive. Te quiero (I love you) my loves, don't forget about me."

The underground.
"Hello underground, it's your queen here.
I just wanted to let you all know I will be off the grid for a year. Do not, however, think this means I'm not watching every single one of your movements. Stay alert. Stay vigilant. And I swear to fuck, if any of you step even a smidge out of line? I will cut your necks open with my fingernails and shove you stupid brains out of your asses."

Once I finished with my messages I turned my phone off and sat back. I have a little chocolate cupcake and a small lit candle on it ready for me to blow out and make a wish.

Cliche I know, but I'm proud of me.

I absentmindedly stroke my belly comfortingly as I sit back.

"Me and you till the end of the road baby" I smile down at my stomach.

4 weeks.

The size of a poppy seed.