Aurora Costello.

Chapter 45.

I feel calm.

I've been in Hawaii for 2 days and I feel better than I have in years.

No noise in my ears, no physical pain. I can breathe, I can relax and feel my surroundings.
I don't have to constantly watch over my back for threat and danger. Just me and my little seed.

It's funny really, never in my life did I ever assume that pregnancy would be the thing to save me, I never assumed that I would ever even get pregnant, it seemed so far away, so unlikely that I never prepared myself to carry another life. And if that wasn't the case and I did end up having a baby one day, it would have been when I had settled down, when I was of an older age, not freshly 18.

But here I am. 18, mafia queen, no significant other and no real plan. Pregnant by my rapist and sunbathing on a beach in the middle of Hawaii running from my home.

It sounds stupid but this baby is like a breath of fresh air, like my second chance if you like. It was made and produced through an act of pure torture but it's almost poetic how such a horrible event could create such a beautiful thing.

I feel myself enjoying every minute of being pregnant. No one at home new I was pregnant, no one except blaze. I didn't tell him and he didn't tell me he knew but it was obvious. Unless he was indirectly calling me fat, he was constantly staring at my belly, he caught me a few times rubbing it protectively, but I don't mind blaze knowing. He has not once ever given me a look of judgement or pity, he looks at me with admiration and love. And that's scary because no matter how confident I portray myself on the outside, I can't help but wonder if I'm loveable. Everyone who should have loved me in my life hasn't, or hasn't had the chance to. And that has had a massive impact on me, it would on anyone.

I'm brought out of my very deep thoughts by the sound of footsteps approaching me. I know I said I was happy, but that doesn't mean I am ever safe, so with that thought I clutch onto the gun hidden in my beach shorts, I pretend to be asleep as I here the figure moving closer and closer, thinking they're being silent.

I feel the figure come close to my face and bend down closer then needed, "hola bonita" a voice I know all to well whispers in his sexy husky, masculine voice edging closer and closer. I feel goosebumps erupt blanketing my skin from head to toe.

Opening one eye I look up at him, covering my smile the best I can "Blade" I whisper.

He chuckles lowly as he sits in the bed next to me, not saying a word he just watches me, being suffocated by the silence I look up to him, "what are you doing here blade? How did u find me" avoiding eye contact.

"Bella, I don't know how I can show you that your it for me. I know I fucked up with alexandre I know I did baby, but if you just give me the chance I'll show you how much you mean to me" he breathed.

"Blade, you don't know me, I don't know you.. this" I say and signal my finger between him and me "is never going to work, you deserve more than what me and my lifestyle can give you." I say suppressing the pure sadness that came with me voicing my feelings.

"Bella let me take you out on one date, then we'll decide if this" he mimicks my movements "will work. I'm pretty sure it will because I'm falling head first." He says with a smirk.

Rolling my eyes I lay myself back down on the sun bed "okay blade. One date." You better not break my heart you fucker.

If only I knew what would come from such a statement.

2 days later.

I'm sat on the porch of my brand new Hawaiian house, some sort of herbal tea in one hand, a picture of me and my brothers in the other and a stupid smile on my face.

I'm not sure how it happened, or when, but blade bulldozed into my life faster than a shooting star over a nights sky, and honestly I'm not mad about it. He's currently in the kitchen cooking some sort of meal to 'fatten me up' as he refers to it as. He's been home making breakfast lunch and dinner since he's been here saying not only is he trying to take care of me and my heart, but also the little bean growing inside of me.

I've been referring to the baby growing inside of me as 'bean'. I don't want to find out the gender of my bean until they are welcomed into this word, I don't care wether they are a boy or a girl I'm going to love them unconditionally either way, I'm going to adore them and give them the life I was denied.

I can't wait to meet my son or daughter because at the end of the day they're part of me, I have always known I wanted to be a mother but had gone through way to much shit to even sit down and really dwell on the idea, to me it was just that... an idea. I think because i was abused and unloved for my whole life until i met my family I never really let myself imagine what my future held because i saw it to be so bleak. I know that's depressing but it was my reality. Now though, I don't see a bleak future, I see one of happiness and love and hope.

Hope for the future.

Hope for my baby,

Hope for me

Hope for my family and my friends,

Hope for me and blade..?

Swaying from my thoughts I look down at my watch on my left hand noticing the time to be 6pm. Blade decided he wanted our little date to be at home where there was no one around us, no distractions, just us. So that's what he did, he kicked me out of my own house from midday today telling me not to be home until now, he noticed me getting ready to come in the house about an hour ago and proceeded to kick me out again, it took a lot of self restraint to not kick his ass into the sea, grab my Ben and jerries and hibernate on the sofa but my self restraint seems to be heightening recently so I'm happy.

Walking into the kitchen now I'm greeted with the most beautiful smell of steak I have ever in my life been greeted with. I've only ever had steak once, when Pietro was grovelling after pissing me off when time he took my out to dinner the next day and my love for steak begun.

Looking around I notice a darkly lit room with bouquets and singular petals of roses scattered everywhere. Candles of all different shapes and sizes scattered here there and everywhere along the kitchen countertops and a set of scarily comfy looking slippers sitting very closely to me. Turning around I am met with the man of the hour, dressed in black suit pants, a black dress shirt that's buttons are mostly undone bar three and a sexy blazer thrown on top. He has his own slippers on causing a girlie smirk to hug my face. His hair is his normal messy style and his tattoos are beautiful as ever. This man in front of me is stunning, he has a rare kind of beauty to him that you only read about in books. His eyes are sharp and hungry staring into my soul, but as I look deeper, past the lust and hunger I can see a small teenage boy who has the weight of the world placed heavily on his shoulders. I see a boy whose been shown love all his life but doesn't love himself. I see a man whose life isn't what he wants it to be but when out in front of me, gives no indication that he's not put together. And in all honestly? I see safety and I see comfortably. And with that thought I change my gaze onto my hands that have found residence on my belly. This man infront of me? I don't deserve him, I don't deserve to be treated with such admiration or love, after all the loss I've caused, all the violence and pain and suffering I've inflicted on people. I'm not talking about the men and women I've killed, no they deserved that I've never killed an innocent, but I'm talking about their families, they're friends. Because of me people have lost their children, their fathers, they're mothers, theirs brothers sisters uncles aunties best friend lovers. This is playing on my mind because blade? I can see myself falling for him, and if karma is what people say it is then hell knowing my luck this peace of heaven man will be taken from me.

I'm not prepared to break my heart once more if it's something I can prevent.

And it's with that thought I make the (later regretted) decision to walk out on the man I can truly see my self loving, in order to be selfish for once in my life and to put my heart infront of others.