Well, That Was A Thing (Good Omens One-Shots)

48; Remedies For An Anxious Snake

Context: I'm in several Good Omens discord chats and in one of them, one member mentioned a skin condition they wanted Crowley to have, we all agreed it suited him because of his snake attributes and it'd give us a good excuse for more fluff. Thanks guys!

(Also: this is most likely inaccurate dry skin care, I just needed an excuse for Aziraphale to be taking care of Crowley, because I always find that fun.)

Stress has always been a constant in Crowley's life. And no matter how hard he'd try, his body always reacted to it. No matter how much he tried to bury it. These reactions had only gotten worse after Aziraphale went back to Heaven. One would assume, now that everything was back to normal, that his corporation would stop attacking him. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case for our demon.

Word Count: 5,300

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The Second Coming had failed. 'Thank Someone!' Thought Crowley and Aziraphale as The Almighty finally made Her presence known again in Heaven, in front of everyone there, to stop it. God agreed to let the Earth be, considering She hadn't approved any of The Metatron's shenanigans while She was on vacation. Apparently, She had decided some time ago, 2,000 years to be exact, to not destroy the Earth. She had only told The Metatron and put him in charge of spreading the word, so the priests and prophets would get it right from then on.

Unfortunately, that was around the same time She went on vacation and turned off Her omniscience. The Metatron told no one of this. So, whenever someone had asked to speak with The Almighty, The Metatron would insist on doing it for them. It was his way of 'properly' being in charge. Having no one to report to had been something he enjoyed greatly. She would deal with The Metatron in private.

More importantly, the humans were safe. Crowley and Aziraphale's home was safe. They were free to go and live their lives however they deemed fit. And right now, the main thing they wanted to focus on, was relaxing. And each other.

~~~~~

A mere hours after the world didn't end (again), an angel and a demon found themselves driving around London. They checked all their usual spots, making sure everything was as it should be. Then, they ended up dining at The Ritz. While it wasn't quite the extremely alcoholic breakfast Crowley had been hoping for 6 years ago, it was, to coin a human phrase, just what the doctor ordered. (Whoever this metaphorical doctor was.)

It had been a great dinner, until Crowley felt a familiar sensation crawling up his neck. That blasted itch. It was back! He hadn't felt it over the past few days. He was sure, it had been there, but the adrenaline had probably made it easier to ignore.

In times of great stress, Crowley would get a rash of sorts, in random parts of his body. If not his whole body. Being a demon, he had always assumed it was another cruel joke from God or Satan. Which one, he wasn't sure. Having beings that thrive and are, literally, created to bring stress and anxiety in humans, but if they feel any themselves, they'll suffer too. His skin would dry out. It'd flake, as if he was shedding in his snake form. It'd redden too. And the itch! That infernal itch! It would drive him mad! The scratching would always make everything worse, but he couldn't help it. Sometimes he'd try miracles, but they rarely ever worked.

This time, the demon held out as much as he could, but the miracles weren't doing anything to relieve him. Aziraphale noticed his discomfort. Though, he said nothing. The angel assumed it was just a byproduct of everything that had happened recently. So, he didn't argue when Crowley offered to take him back to the shop for the night, quite early.

~~~~~

As the weeks passed, Crowley's flare ups didn't improve. This irritated him almost as much as the rash. In the past, this had only happened during stressful situations, not after them! He always thought it was ridiculous that he couldn't avoid shedding skin in either form he took. Bloody ridiculous.