Well, That Was A Thing (Good Omens One-Shots)

3; Our Little Hellspawn

Context: Based on apocalemonart's "Good Aumens" AU on Instagram. AKA: Crowley keeps the baby.

Word Count: 11,000

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Crowley's POV:

Crowley is terrified. He's about to do his most important task, the one he didn't know he was meant to do since the beginning of time. Before getting out the car, he peeks into the basket and the child whines, whether it's from discomfort or just his normal attitude, Crowley isn't sure. He looks at the entrance and sees a man, his brain quickly tells him to get the baby to shut up or said man might think something of it and ruin the entire thing.

He doesn't know whether he can do miracles on the Angel Of The Bottomless Pit, and frankly, he fears the thought of trying. So he just starts shushing him softly and brings down a hand into the basket to tuck him in even more. He's squirmed so much in there, the blanket's gone down to his hips. As he does this, his skin grazed The Adversary's and the child stopped whining. Momentarily anyway, he starts up again once Crowley removes his hand.

"Must want attention..." He said out loud.

He glanced over at the man again, knowing the brightness of the Bentley's headlights kept him from seeing into the vehicle, he turned back towards the basket and carefully picked up the baby. Some of the fear on the child's face seemed to melt away but he still whined.

Crowley decided to test a theory. He put two fingers on the baby's cheek. The Original Fallen Angel's son seemed to lean into the touch. The demon wondered if this was just a normal baby's instinct or if he recognized a fellow evil presence. Whatever it was, he simply decided to ignore it and get on with the task.

He decided to miracle the man at the entrance and not risk anything happening to the Antichrist thanks to his magic. Satan knows what he'd do to him. Literally, and he wasn't going to take that chance.

He entered the hospital but no nun crossed his path immediately to just get rid of the child. He sat (more like melted) in a nearby chair and brought his hands to his face. He was mentally spiraling now as he looked at the basket at his feet.

6,000 years. 6,000 years and now it's all going to end in 11? They could've at least given me a heads-up!... Why me? Why, of all the demons in Hell, do I get stuck with this job?... I don't want all this to end...

His mind is brought to a halt thanks to a particularly loud wail from the Antichrist. He lifts the basket's lid and is met with sad blue eyes.

This is all your fault... Well, not technically I suppose. You didn't ask to be born. If anything, I should be angry at your father and our mother. If he didn't rebel in the first place, maybe none of this would be happening...

But it was happening. His existence being the very proof of it. Just as Crowley's mind was about to go down another rabbit-hole of regret and fear, he felt a tug at his hand. He looked down to see that The Prince Of Darkness has wrapped his tiny, little hand around his index finger. He met the child's eyes and saw relief in them. This perplexed him. He seemed like a completely normal baby boy, you couldn't truly sense his evil presence or see anything abnormal about him. That's when he realized something, something that could either solve his current predicament, or make things much worse.

Sister Mary walked into view and his mind jumped towards the task once again. He called her and handed over the child for them to make the switch. He walked out but found himself stopping once the man spoke to him.

"Lovely car, sir."

"Yeah, she's a beaut."

"Always wanted one myself. 'Course now I probably won't with the baby. Can't imagine it being comfortable. Not to mention the mess you always have with a kid. They'd ruin the seats in no-time. It'd take a real miracle to get the stains out. Not to mention the price for getting it cleaned professionally—"