Ang pangarap kung ex

Mai own way of closure

Mai's Pov

I cant see his face anymore. And I know it's not surprising. I never expect to forget his face easily I know every detail. Like i know he had a little lines when he smiled.

where did he go? 

When you die?

Mga katanungan ko sa aking sarili few days after namatay si Don.

I talked to Red to manage everything. And yes i will be no longer going to work. Anna and Anton are now reaping all those successful investment. They offered me a full expense vacation. Mamili lang daw ako kung saan at ano gusto ko.

Now i don't know what to do next. I really don't know. It's like the first time na nawalan ako ng gana sa lahat. Im so depressed. Bigla bigla na lang ako naiyak. Sa bahay sa saksakyan, wherever I am.

Iv'e talked to Benjie about the funeral. And he knows what Don would like if this day comes. And if i would be leaving this world i would like my ashes thrown in the sea.

It's gives us Freedom. Now he has that Freedom.

Don. Help me a lot in everything. He is like my father my brother my best friend. I cant tell him about everything about my life now. He is my strong support system.

After the funeral. Me and Don's family did a prayer.
Benjie tried to comfort me na kahit alam ko na nag luluksa din siya sa pagkawala ng kakambal niya. Lagi niya pinapa alala sa akin na kapag kailangan ko ng tulong or kasausap o kahit anu anjan lang siya lagi.

I'm so sad and there is one place i want to go.

Hindi ko napansin na nasa labas ako ng bahay nila Kim. 11pm ng gabe at nakatingin lang ako sa gate nila. Lumabas ako ng sasakyan at nilapitan yung gate. I'm about to call her but then I realize I will look stupid. Kaya umalis na lang ako.

The next day. Pumunta ako sa office para kausapin si Red.

Pagpasok ko sa office na gulat ako na andun sa loob si Kim. Hindi na kase siya nag re-report sa akin. Meron na siyang sarili niyang opisina.

"Hi Mai, Uhm i need you to sign ..."

Hindi ko na pinatapos ang sasabihin niya at niyakap na lang siya bigla. I closed my eyes and feel her warmth. I been longing and needing this for months.
I'm glad she didn't push me away and she's giving me time to hug her.

"Mai?"

I pulled away after she call my name.

"I'm sorry" can we talk please for the last time? Can we?? Pakiusap ko sa kanya..

Nakita ko napabuntong hininga siya at napakagat sa kanyang labi.

"Okay"

Niyaya ko siyang umupo sa sofa para maka pag usap kami ng maayos. Nabalot ng katahimikan ang buong room. Nakaharap at naka tingin ako sa kanya at siya naman ay nakatingin lang sa paa niya.

You may or not know. Ako yung tipo ng tao na gusto ilabas ang lahat ng saloobin to make me feel better.
Remembered when i talked to you before through chat. Those time na nalaman ko between you and Jonah.

I know it's not your fault. At kahit na nakakahiya man. Kailangan kung ilabas ang sama ng loob ko sa tao na yun to give me closure. Crazy right, niyaya pa kita makipag meet up.

Now, all i want for us to talk. To let you know na sobra akong nasaktan. Ang weird lang because it's same person. For the second time.

"Mai I'm so sorry"

I can't hold it anymore. I removed my Rayban at pinunasan ang mga luha ko. My eyes are swollen because of crying past fews day. Then I put it back before she saw it.

You know when me and Jonah broke up. It hurts but yours more painful. Kung pwede lang ipilit sayo na sana ako na lang pinili mo. Sana hindi na lang siya bumalik. Sana yung feeling mo ay para lang sa akinz Sana nauna ako sayo. But I know my place I know when to stop.

Tell me? Are you happy with her?

This time hinarap niya na ako. I hold her hand. I entangle my fingers then nilapit ko ito sa akin para halikan.

She just looking at me full of pity. I can sense the next words na sasabihin niya will be painful. Tingnan ko lang siya sa mata dahil gusto kung malaman if deep inside my puwang pa ba ako sa kanya.

Lumunok muna siya bago niya sabihin ang salitang.

"Yes Mai I'm Happy"

Tumango na lang ako para ipakita sa kanya na rinig ko ang sinabi niya at tinaggap iyun.

I kiss her forehead one last time at tumayo na para umalis.

By the way, you can leave all documents i need to sign. I will be doing all of that tonight.

Lumabas na ako ng room. I can't stay longer there. Hindi ako maka hinga. Baka mahimatay pa ako at ayaw ko yun makita niya.

Nag dri-drive ako at dami kung iniisip. Mas mabilis pa ata ang takbo ng isip ko compara sa speed ng sasakyan ko.

Gusto kung lumayo at mag isa. Kaya i decide to finish everything sa trabaho at formal na mag paalam ky Red to leave every thing to him.

And I promise I'll leave my feelings too.

I turn on some music in my car and let myself give in pain and let it consume me.