That Juan Time Stopped (Published under IMMAC)

Epílogo

Finale

"What's this?" I held the sturdy white envelope, I was sitting alone near the open field quietly when Vera's best friend approached me.

She's holding into the strap of her body bag tightly like her life depended on it. Bago pa tuluyang manginig ang kamay niya sa pag-abot sa akin ay tuluyan ko na iyong kinuha sa kamay. I fixed my glasses, eyes went down on the envelope, and mind blanking.

"Pakiramdam ko magagalit sa akin si Vera." my brows drew together by hearing her name, Jayen gulped and continued talking. "Hindi. For sure magagalit siya sa akin. Secret niya 'yan e, kinuha ko pa 'yan sa bahay nila Auntie Issa niya, kasama ng mga iniwan niyang gamit," patuloy niya.

Persuaded by her statement, I opened the envelope. Vera's secret? Bakit niya naman ibibigay sa akin? Magagalit talaga ang best friend niya. But no matter how I look at it, the eagerness in me made me take the piece of paper out. I tried to glance, and my hands froze when the sketch looked so familiar.

Bumaba ang mata ko sa date at lalong kumunot ang noo ko. This was sketched before I even availed her services.

She knew me?

Humarap ako kay Jayen at hindi nakapagsalita agad. Halo-halo ang katanungan sa utak ko pero tumango ito at parang naiintindihan ang ibig kong sabihin.

She pursed her lips together. "Ayokong pangunahan si Vera, pero minsan kasi mali din ang mga desisyon niya sa buhay. Iniwan ka niya dito na hindi nililinaw sa'yo lahat... alam kong ginawa niya iyon para rin sa'yo. Ayaw niyang umasa ka na babalik pa siya pero..."

My heart pounds harder inside my chest. I never imagined this time would come, and the anticipation rising inside me sparks the lifeless part of my being since she was gone.

Napakamot ito sa ulo at hindi halos makatingin sa akin. "Nakikita kasi kitang laging malungkot at tulala. Baka lang makatulong 'yan para kahit papaano maibsan ang lungkot mo..."

I nodded to her. "Thank you..."

"Ayoko nang manggaling sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng sketch na 'yan para sa'yo. Pero kung ano man ang nasa isip mo... baka tama ka. 'Wag ka masyadong panghinaan ng loob, kasi baka pareho kayo ng nararamdaman... kung ano man 'yon. Sadyang baka hindi pa ito ang tamang panahon, kasi may mga responsibilidad pa si Vera."

Tinitigan ko siya ng kalmado pero nagwawala na ang puso ko sa loob dahil sa mga nalaman. I know that there was something with Vera. She's very good with people, who she believes and spends time with. And turns out she spends most of her time with me, doon pa lang alam ko na... May dahilan bakit lagi siyang nasa tabi ko.

Maliban sa mga session namin, there was a deeper meaning but I try to ignore it. Not because I was scared but because I knew that no matter how special I am for her, I will not be greater than her dreams, plans, and family, and I completely understand it.

What she did was right.

Alam kong hindi niya ako pipiliin. Kaya hindi ko na siya pinigilan. Kasi bakit pa? Pahihirapan ko lang siya.

I saw how she cried that night. She doesn't want to go. But she didn't let her emotions get the best out of her. Mas pinili niya kung ano'ng makakabuti para sa lahat. Hindi lang sa kanya, sa amin, pero para sa pamilya niya.

I am not mad at her. I caused my pain. I fell in love with her and it's my decision. Wala siyang responsibilidad na ibalik 'yon. I love her because she deserves to be loved. I loved her because my heart chose her. I loved her... because it's her.

I caressed my thumb carefully on my face that was sketched perfectly on the paper. A smile formed on my lips. A remembrance of her. I miss her so much. I hope she's doing fine.