𝐏𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐈𝐃𝐒 𝐀𝐓 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐄𝐓 ― rafe cameron

είκοσι ; 20

song of the chapter:
DREW BARRYMORE ; sza

Margarita settled into the couch, her heart racing beneath the surface of her forced smile. The laughter and chatter of the Pogues filled the room, a vibrant energy she'd missed so much. Yet, as she raised her beer to her lips, the cold bottle felt foreign in her hand. A dull throb pulsed in her head, a reminder of the chaos she had just stepped away from.

"Cheers to being back!" JJ shouted, lifting his beer high. The others echoed his sentiment, their voices melding together in a joyful cacophony. Margarita tried to join in, her laugh tinged with a hint of desperation. She wanted so badly to feel the warmth of their camaraderie, to immerse herself in the relief of being home. But the weight in her pocket served as a persistent reminder of the darkness she had brought with her.

As the group caught up, sharing stories and teasing one another, Margarita found herself slipping into the rhythm of their banter. Yet, every time Sarah glanced at her, concern flickered in her eyes, pulling Margarita back into the shadows of her thoughts. What would they think if they knew?

"Hey, Margarita!" John B's voice broke through her haze, and she turned to him, forcing her attention away from the turmoil in her mind. "What's been your favorite part of being back?"

Margarita hesitated, her gaze darting to the window, where the sun spilled golden light over the familiar landscape of the Outer Banks. "Honestly? Just being back with all of you," she replied, her voice softer than she intended. The truth was too complex to unravel in that moment.

"Glad to hear it!" Kie chimed in, her bright smile contagious. "We've got a whole summer ahead of us. Beach days, bonfires, and of course, plenty of adventures!"

"Yeah, and trouble," JJ added, waggling his eyebrows. "Can't forget that."

Margarita smiled, but the laughter felt distant. It wasn't that she didn't want to enjoy their company—it was that the shadows of her recent choices loomed large, threatening to swallow her whole.

As the conversation shifted to plans for the beach, Margarita felt the urge to pull away, to find a moment alone. She excused herself, claiming she needed to check her phone, and slipped into the kitchen. The familiar scents of her home wrapped around her like a blanket, but instead of comfort, it intensified her internal battle.

She leaned against the counter, pulling out her phone, her fingers trembling as she resisted the urge to check the messages she had left unread. Instead, she closed her eyes, breathing deeply, trying to silence the storm in her mind.

"Margarita?" The soft voice startled her, and she opened her eyes to find Sarah standing in the doorway, concern etched on her face. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just...needed a minute," Margarita lied, her voice a whisper. The heaviness in her pocket felt like a lead weight.

Sarah stepped closer, her brow furrowing. "You sure? You don't have to pretend with me. I can tell something's off."

Margarita's heart raced. She wanted to confide in Sarah, to spill the truth of her struggles, but fear gripped her throat. What would Sarah think? Would she see her as weak, broken?

"I'm just overwhelmed, I guess," Margarita finally admitted, forcing a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "It's a lot to come back to, you know?"

"Totally understand," Sarah replied, her tone sympathetic. "But remember, you're not alone. We're all here for you, no matter what."

The sincerity in Sarah's voice tugged at something deep within Margarita. She wanted to believe that, wanted to reach out and connect. But the walls she'd built around her heart felt impenetrable, a fortress crafted from fear and shame.