𝐏𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐈𝐃𝐒 𝐀𝐓 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐄𝐓 ― rafe cameron

είκοσιδύο ; 22

song of the chapter:
MRS MAGIC ; strawberry guy

He leaned next to her, his body close but not quite touching, as if giving her space to breathe. "How many more lines have you done?" he asked, his voice low, almost conspiratorial.

Margarita turned to him, and in that instant, JJ caught sight of her pupils—enormous and dark, swallowing the green of her irises. The laughter that escaped her lips was small and airy, a sound that felt hollow against the weight of the moment. "Just a few," she said, feigning nonchalance as she reached into her pocket, pulling out the bag with a flourish.

"Half empty, huh?" JJ remarked, his brow furrowing as he examined the contents. "You're really chasing it, then."

She shrugged, a flicker of defiance sparking in her chest. "Just having some fun, JJ. What's the harm?" She smiled, trying to mask the truth lurking beneath the surface.

He shook his head, a mix of concern and frustration etched across his face. "You know this isn't just fun. It's not just a game. You're risking everything."

"Risking what?" she snapped, the laughter evaporating from her voice. "I'm not the one who's lost everything, JJ. I'm just... exploring."

"Exploring?" He echoed incredulously. "You're not just 'exploring' when you're doing this. You're heading back to a place you fought so hard to get out of."

She met his gaze, and for a moment, the weight of his words threatened to pierce through the haze that surrounded her. But the high was still buzzing, drowning out the doubts that clawed at the edges of her mind. "I can handle it," she insisted, lifting the bag slightly as if to prove her point.

"Can you?" His voice dropped an octave, the sincerity breaking through his bravado. "You look like you're already losing control."

Margarita felt the truth of his words, but instead of admitting it, she let out another small laugh, a shaky sound that barely resembled joy. "I'm fine, really. Just enjoying the moment."

"Enjoying the moment?" he repeated, almost disbelievingly. "Margarita, you're standing on the edge of a cliff, and I'm worried you're going to jump."

Her heart raced at the implication, but she didn't want to back down. She didn't want to appear weak. "Maybe I want to jump," she said defiantly, her voice dropping to a whisper. "Maybe I want to see how far I can fall."

JJ's expression softened, and for a moment, she could see the worry etched into his features. "You don't mean that. You're better than this."

But as she stared into his eyes, she felt the walls she had built around herself begin to crumble. The truth was, she didn't feel better than this. She felt lost and afraid, and the drug was the only thing that offered her a temporary reprieve from the chaos inside her mind.

With a quick motion, she slid the bag back into her pocket, the weight of it now feeling like a burden she couldn't shake off. "You wouldn't understand," she said, her voice trembling as she fought back tears. "You don't know what it's like to feel this lost."

"I may not know exactly what you're feeling, but I know you," he replied, his tone earnest. "You're stronger than you think. You don't need this to find yourself."

She could feel her resolve starting to waver, and a flicker of vulnerability broke through her bravado. "What if I don't want to be found?" she whispered, the admission tasting bitter on her tongue.

JJ's expression hardened slightly, and he leaned in closer, his eyes locked onto hers. "Then at least let me help you figure it out. You don't have to do this alone."