𝐏𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐈𝐃𝐒 𝐀𝐓 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐄𝐓 ― rafe cameron

εξήντατέσσερα ; 64

song of the chapter:
YELLOW FLICKER BEAT ; lorde

Margarita floated in and out of consciousness, her mind a hazy fog of disjointed thoughts and emotions. She could hear the beeping of machines, feel the cool air against her skin, but it all felt distant, as if she were observing it from afar. She didn't want to be here, didn't want to feel the weight of the world pressing down on her.

She knew her plan. It had seemed so clear in her mind, a way to escape the pain that clawed at her insides. The drugs had promised her relief, a moment of calm amidst the chaos, but now all she felt was fear—fear of being found, fear of what would happen next. It was a familiar sensation, that nagging feeling of dread that had haunted her for too long.

Margarita opened her eyes slightly, the bright lights stinging her vision. She squinted, trying to make sense of the shapes around her. The sterile white walls felt suffocating, the smell of antiseptic clinging to her senses. She remembered the night, the moments before everything blurred together. She recalled her plan, the thrill of surrendering to the darkness, believing it would provide her with peace. But now, in this harsh reality, all she felt was lost.

She didn't want to be found. The thought sent a chill down her spine. What would they say? How would they look at her? Disappointment, pity—it all felt too heavy to bear. She wished she could disappear, become a part of the walls around her, fade into the silence.

But then, she felt a familiar warmth. A hand intertwined with hers, grounding her to the present. Rafe. Her heart quickened at the thought of him, the memory of his smile flickering through her mind like a candle in the dark. But along with that warmth came the realization of what she had put him through.

Margarita didn't wake. Instead, she felt herself drifting deeper into the abyss of sleep, where the noise of the hospital faded into a muffled hum. The warmth of Rafe's hand remained anchored in hers, but the comforting sensation began to slip away as she succumbed to the depths of her unconsciousness.

In this quiet void, her mind wandered to a place untouched by pain. Images of summer days and vibrant sunsets flickered like old film reels. She could see herself laughing with her friends, running along the beach, the wind tousling her hair as the waves crashed around her feet. The warmth of the sun embraced her like a long-lost friend, filling her with a sense of safety she hadn't felt in ages.

But the darkness tugged at her, pulling her back. It whispered sweet nothings, reminding her of the loneliness that had nestled itself within her heart. It promised her an escape from the weight of her emotions, luring her deeper into the depths of oblivion.

She tried to resist, tried to claw her way back to the light, but the fatigue wrapped around her like a heavy blanket, pulling her under. Each breath became heavier, and soon she felt weightless, suspended in a world where nothing could touch her.

The beeping of the machines grew distant, like the sound of waves receding from the shore. She couldn't hear Rafe's voice calling her name, filled with concern and desperation. All she could feel was the pull of sleep, a seductive lullaby that promised freedom from the pain she had so long endured.

In this dreamlike state, Margarita wandered through a forest of memories—some bright and warm, others dark and twisted. She found herself standing in front of a mirror, looking at a reflection that was both familiar and foreign. Her eyes were still those of the girl who loved sunsets and laughter, but they held a sadness that ran deeper than the surface.

As she moved through the forest of her mind, she stumbled upon moments that made her heart ache: the pain of rejection, the suffocating loneliness, the nights spent crying in silence. Each memory cut like glass, but she couldn't turn away. They were pieces of her, fragments of a life she was struggling to reclaim.

Margarita felt herself growing heavier, her eyelids growing heavier with each passing second. The light around her began to dim, enveloping her in a cloak of darkness. It felt safe here, a refuge from the turmoil that had spiraled out of control. She wanted to stay, to let the shadows consume her completely.

But somewhere deep within her, a flicker of resistance fought against the pull. A whisper of hope began to rise, a reminder of the love and warmth waiting for her on the other side of this abyss.

Rafe.

The name echoed through the silence, breaking through the haze. She could almost feel his presence beside her, steady and unwavering. She had fought so hard to keep him at bay, to push everyone away. But now, the thought of losing him felt like a knife twisting in her heart.

And in that moment of clarity, Margarita realized she didn't truly want to give up. She didn't want to fade away into nothingness. The desire to be found, to be saved, sparked a flicker of determination within her.

But the darkness was relentless, wrapping around her like a shroud. Her thoughts began to dissolve, and as sleep claimed her, she couldn't help but wonder if she would ever find her way back. Would anyone be there to guide her through the shadows?

The only thing Margarita could mutter was a quiet, "I love you" The words slipped from her lips like a secret she had been holding onto for far too long. In that fleeting moment, she felt a warmth surround her, a glimmer of the love that had always been there, waiting for her to acknowledge it.

--- end of chapter