𝐏𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐈𝐃𝐒 𝐀𝐓 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐄𝐓 ― rafe cameron

είκοσιένα ; 21

song of the chapter:
ANYTHING ; adrianne lenker

As the door clicked shut behind JJ, Margarita felt the shift in the atmosphere. The laughter and chatter that had filled the house faded away, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She took a deep breath, feeling the silence wrap around her like a shroud.

The warmth of the sunset lingered in the glasshouse, but now it felt like a distant memory. She looked around at the empty space, the remnants of their gathering—a few half-empty drinks, scattered snack wrappers. It was all so normal, so painfully familiar, yet she felt so far removed from it all.

The weight of the small bag in her pocket pressed against her, a constant reminder of the choice she had made. It was easy to pretend that everything was fine when she was surrounded by friends, but now, alone, the reality crashed down on her.

As she sat in the dimming light, the high beginning to end, Margarita wrestled with the knot of guilt tightening in her chest. She knew JJ cared, that he'd tried to reach out. But how could she explain? How could she tell him that she felt so lost, so desperate for understanding, that she'd crossed a line she never thought she would?

The door closing felt like the finality of a chapter ending, and she was left standing at the threshold of a decision that loomed larger than she'd anticipated. She stood up, her legs feeling heavy, and walked to the window, staring out at the darkening sky.

The waves continued to crash rhythmically, a soothing sound against the chaos in her mind. But even that couldn't drown out the voices of doubt and fear. She was spiraling, and this was just the beginning.

Taking a deep breath, she reached into her pocket, fingers brushing against the bag, feeling that familiar rush of adrenaline mixed with dread. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was standing on the edge of something she couldn't control, and for now, that was both terrifying and oddly comforting.

Margarita got up from the couch, her legs feeling unsteady as she made her way to her bedroom. The door creaked open, and she stepped inside, her heart sinking at the sight. Her bed was made, the room tidy, everything in its place. It was too perfect—almost unsettling.

In the middle of the bed lay a note, neatly folded and conspicuously placed. She felt a flicker of irritation; she didn't care what it said. Ignoring it completely, she turned on her heel and walked out onto her balcony, needing air, needing distance from everything that felt so wrong.

Once outside, she fished her AirPods from her pocket, shoving them into her ears and cranking the volume to the highest setting. The music flooded her senses, drowning out the thoughts that clawed at the edges of her mind. It was a cacophony of beats and rhythms, a welcome distraction.

Feeling the weight of the bag still in her pocket, she pulled it out, the sun catching its edges. Holding it up, she felt a rush of adrenaline mixed with a sense of dread. It felt like a secret, something only she understood, a portal to a world she wasn't sure she wanted to enter.

She opened the bag, the powder inside looking innocent yet deadly. With quick movements, she poured a line on the balcony railing, the sunlight glinting off the white substance. Her heart raced as she bent down, holding her breath, and quickly snorted the line.

The burn stung her nose, but she welcomed it, the immediate rush filling her with warmth and clarity. For a moment, the chaos of her thoughts faded into the background, replaced by a hazy euphoria that wrapped around her like a blanket. It didn't fix anything, but it felt like a reprieve—a small escape from the weight of reality.

She stood there, leaning against the railing, feeling the world blur at the edges, the music pulsing in time with her heartbeat. And as she looked out at the ocean, she felt the waves crashing in a rhythm that mirrored her own—a momentary harmony amidst the dissonance in her life.