Amezona Roommates

14

AMELIAS POV

It's been a month since our first date, and Arizona and I have been on a bunch more. I want her to be my girlfriend but I'm scared. I'm scared it's too soon after James. I'm scared I'll mess everything up. I'm scared that Arizona doesn't know about my past. She knows I'm a recovering alcoholic, but she has no idea about Ryan or Christopher. She has no idea that I don't want kids. She doesn't know a lot about me. I don't know if she could love me for who I am after she knows everything. I walked down the hallway at the hospital and saw Meredith.

"Hey," Meredith said, "Starting rounds?"

"Uh no I just got out of a surgery a bit ago," I said, "Do you have a minute to talk?"

"Sure, everything alright?" Meredith said.

"Yeah," I said. We walked into Mer's office and I sat down. I sighed and looked at her.

"I want to ask Arizona to be my girlfriend," I said.

"And that's causing you all this stress? I thought you guys were practically dating," Meredith said.

"I mean we are, but I'm afraid if I ask her and then she finds out about my past she won't look at me the same," I said.

"Oh honey, I don't think Arizona would think of you differently, what does she know?" Meredith asked.

"That I'm a recovering alcoholic," I said.

"And how did she take that?" Meredith asked.

"It was fine we had a conversation about it she was understanding," I said.

"Well I think she'd be understanding about the other stuff too," Meredith said gently, "I mean it's Arizona come on. You and I both know she's crazy about you. I think she would want to know about your past to understand you, but I don't think she'd use it against you." I nodded and smiled.

"Yeah," I nodded.

-

I finally got off and I was exhausted. I lost my last patient and that just about put me over the edge. I unlocked the door to Derek's house and didn't even care who was socializing in the kitchen. I walked upstairs and opened the door and I heard the shower running. I kicked off my shoes and put on pajamas and climbed into my bed. I was so tired. I was stressed. And now I just lost a patient and had to have that conversation with the patient's family. I clutched my pillow as I pulled the blankets over me and started to cry. I was attempting to be quiet but I'm sure I was failing at that too. I heard the bathroom door open and I burried my face into my pillow.

"Amelia?" Arizona said gently. I just burst out crying more. I didn't know how to have this conversation with her. I just cried more. I felt Arizona lay down next to me and rub my back.

"Amelia honey what's wrong?" Arizona asked. I rolled over and looked at her and sighed.

"I need to talk to you about something," I said.

"Okay," she said. I sat up and she did the same.

"I um," I said, "Before I met James, I was engaged to someone else, a man Ryan."

"Okay," Arizona said.

"And you know that I am a recovering alcoholic. There's more to the story you should know. More to the story that you need to know if you want to be with me. It's scary and it's a lot and I don't know how to tell you any of it so I'm just going to word vomit it all and I'd understand if you didn't want to be with me anymore after it," I said.

"Amelia honey," Arizona said and grabbed my hand, "Whatever it is it's okay."

"When I was with Ryan I was taking drugs and drinking. One night he had overdosed in his sleep and passed away next to me. I didn't realize until the next morning when I woke up and it was already too late. A few months later I found out that I was pregnant with his baby. At the ultrasound I found out that my baby didn't have a brain because he was conceived on drugs. I gave birth to him and he lived for 43 minutes. I had to let him go, and it almost killed me. I fell into a depression and I didn't go to work for a while. Then over a year later I met James, and James was great. He was that stereotypical man that your mother wants you to marry. Then he proposed. I said yes but I didn't want the life he wanted. After losing my son I had no idea if I could have another child, and that was all he wanted. All he wanted was children and a family, and I couldn't do it. Maybe one day I'll be ready but he needed that now. So I left and I moved here," I said. Arizona's gaze never left mine and she squeezed my hand.

"Come here," she said softly and pulled me in for a hug.

"I am so sorry about your son and Ryan," Arizona said.

"I want to be with you and you make me feel all these crazy feelings and I don't even know how to explain it, but I just needed to tell you all that," I said.

"And I still care about you all the same," Arizona said, "It doesn't make me think of you any less. It just confirms what I already knew about you, that you're strong as hell." I smiled weakly and looked at her. I could feel the tears still streaming down my face. Arizona wiped my tears away and she brought me in for a hug.

"It's okay love," she said and rubbed my back, "thank you for telling me all that."

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"Sure," she said.

"Would you want to be my girlfriend?" I asked.

"I think that's been obvious hun," she chuckled, "I'm kinda crazy for you." I chuckled and she smiled.

"I'd love to be your girlfriend," Arizona said.