My Princessa

Chapter 63

Despite the doctor saying that dad was waking up, he still hadn't and it was driving alll of us crazy.
It has been a week since that day and unfortunately he is still in the same condition. The only good thing is that l can now sit with my family without feeling sick but l haven't let anyone except Elonzo touch me.
My brothers look a bit bettter than they seemed the day l came back and Alex says that it's because a huge weight has been lifted of their shoulders since l have been found. My nonna hasn't been doing well though. The fear of losing her granddaughter and her son still plagues her even though l've come back and there's hope that dad will wake up.
Nonno says that it will take some time for her to recover from the shock. She looks so traumatized and it's hard seeing her like that. My nonna has always brought life to this house but she looks so lifeless.
Fallon actually came here a day after my return and she cried so much while looking at me. Alex told me that she hadn't been doing well since the day l was kidnapped and it showed me how much of a true friend she was. Killian on the other hand hadn't come with her but l also heard that he was part of my search party. My brothers thought it was because he wanted to find his sister's best friend but l knew otherwise.
It was a good thing that he didn't come though because l honestly couldn't bear seeing him at this moment. l lot had changed since l was kidnapped and l felt like a different person, and l don't think Killian will like this version because l myself didn't.
"He said to give you this" Fallon had said that day giving me a letter but even to this day l hadn't gathered the courage to read it. The old me would have been giddy and excited to know what was in this letter but this version of me was dreading anything and everything that had to do with love or happiness. l felt like a shadow of my former self.
"Do you need something "l heard my nonna say. l turned to look towards where her voice was coming from and l saw her standing at the threshold. My nonna who once had the most sparkling and bright eyes had haunted and lifeless eyes and l couldn't help the tear that fell from my eyes. A flicker of emotions passed through her eyes but it was gone as it came.
"l do actually "l said leaving the bed and moving towards her. l held her arm and led her inside my room and settled us on my bed.
"l miss my nonna" l said with my head on her shoulder.
"l am right here tesoro" she said holding my face tenderly and l smiled.
"Are you really??" l said to her because as much as her body was here, her heart and soul weren't.
"Are you really here bambino" she said looking at me like she was seeing right through me.

....

"What do you mean nonna" l said standing up trying to gather my composure and courage because this conversation was reaching places that l didn't want it to reach. l didn't want to talk about my kidnapping as yet and my family seemed to understand but l don't know why nonna brought it up today.
"Am here nonna" l said looking at her in an attempt to reassure her but the look in her eyes told me she didn't believe a word l said. l had the whole family convinced that l was healing from my trauma but it turns out they didn't believe a word l said.
"l have been there Rosa, l have been through it and you don't recover in a day. In fact you never heal" she said looking at me and l choked on my emotions.
"What do you mean you've been there "l asked and she pulled me with her to sit back on the bed.
"l don't like talking about it, it was a dark time in my life" she said but l urged her to continue with my eyes.
Knowing that someone as strong as my nonna has gone through something like l have and she still managed to keep her smile is just unbelievable. l want to know how she did it. l want to know how she sleeps at night without having nightmares. l want to know how she even sleeps at night because l haven't slept more than 2 hours since l've been back.
"l can see the questions in your eyes Rosa but l'll answer the most important one. You never forget or heal but somehow you learn to live with it and also make peace with it.
It's been over 30 years since it happened bambino but l still carry the memories in my brain. l can never forget the faces or anything that happened. It's branded in my heart and brain like a scar. The physical wounds have long healed and l have even erased their scars but the emotional and mental ones have never healed.
When they took you l knew your fate was going to be like mine and l know what you're going through tesoro. You may haven't told us what you went through but l can recognize the look in your eyes because l have seen it before. There was a time where l wished for death than the memories of what l went through so that smile that you're trying to fake isn't working for me" she said and left before l could ask her more.
This really came as a shock for me because she always looks so strong and you can't imagine her going through something like that. But it makes sense because she's been haunted ever since l came back. l guess my kidnapping triggered her memories.

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