Lava | Ninjago

🜃 | Grief-Carrier

wake me up when september ends

✧

Through an uneven path riddled with rocks and shrubs, Cole made his way towards the familiar silhouette. Horizont welcomed the sun after another long journey with open arms. The farther he went, the more the smell of fresh dinner left him. The quieter everything became, the heavier the recent events rested on his shoulder.

Kai tilted his head to the sound of Cole's struggles with the clingy, thorny shrubs but other than that, he stood still. As still as the gravestone in front of him.

When he got so close, Cole slowed down, wary of what mood he might find his comrade in. It was a terra incognita, the firecracker kept switching between a wide-eyed melancholy and blind rage.

But he had to eat too. They all needed to regain their strength so they could begin their search for Wu and Kai especially. He did not take care of himself even before, he had already been starved of food and sleep. Now, when the dust settled, he spent the nights doing any necessary work around the house and the days by avoiding said house like it carried a deadly disease.

Most times, when the sun watched over them, Kai could be found standing in front of his father's gravestone. And that was about it. All he did was stand there, hands clasped behind his back, burning the words into his mind. And when the windows of his childhood home turned dark, he would return to his self-imposed role of a restless handyman.

It has been two weeks of this manic cycle. Two weeks since he and Nya returned from the past, one second too late.

Unlike Kai, Nya managed to follow through with her body's needs, along with helping her mother settle back in the house. She still looked pale, her eyes were circled dark and she fell more silent than usual.

Everything and everyone was more silent than usual.

But Kai... Kai made Cole sick with worry. Even then, when he obsessed over the familiar stamp, he barely let Cole in, barely let him help, but it never got so extreme. He did not just push them all away, no, he pushed them and before they could get up, he dug a giant ravine between them so no one could reach him.

That day–when Cole tried again to ask him to have dinner with them despite being literally fired after many times before–he seemed different. Calmer, for once. He let Cole get near without exploding, without shouting for him to get lost, without using his powers on the wrong target. He didn't lash out and Cole worried to tease his luck.

So Cole stood there with him, still and silent, and waited for the right time to speak up. He watched Kai from behind; seeing his face became such a rarity... Next to the tombstone, in the dry earth, was stuck a katana bearing Kai's signature. The place around the grave had been obviously cared for, unlike the rest of the surroundings.

Unlike Kai's appearance. Cole had a sinking feeling that the clothes he reluctantly changed into used to be his father's. They were torn and stained and his hair, once so treasured, lay dead on his head, shaggy and dark. Not too distinct from the wild bushes Cole had to get through. Kai's shoulders rested low, barely moving as he breathed. And his hands: calloused and scratched, with dried blood stains; so uncared for.

Cole yearned to take care of him, to wash away the dirt and blood and, hopefully, some of the invisible pain. He wanted to jump over the ravine and bring him back to them, to show that he truly loved him and that he was there. Not even a sea of fire would drive him away.

Do what his own father failed to do.

"It's kinda funny."

His heart skipped a beat; he almost forgot the gentleness Kai's voice could carry. It was like cold water on the old burns and something about it felt polluted, poisoned. He was a coward who did not dare to speak.

"I barely knew him. I didn't even know his name or a stupid surname we should share. I barely remembered his voice, his face..." Kai shook his head, swallowed. Cole caught on the faltering of his breath. And then, akin to an earthquake, Kai began to shake. He stared at his hands as if he had never seen them before. "But somehow..."

Cole sprung to action before his mind could process what was happening. Kai's knees buckled but it was okay, Cole was there. He caught him and lowered him to the ground in a more gentle manner. While at least he let Cole hold him, Kai still refused to look anywhere but at the tombstone.

Ray Tsuchi
The candle in the darkest of times

Maya had Cole write it because neither Kai nor Nya had anything to say. That was, until then, the last time Cole heard Kai speak with softness in his voice. Since then he stared at the piece of rock, captivated, hypnotised. Maybe even if he did go to sleep, the words would burn bright in front of his eyes.

"I don't get it. I feel like I'm missing something but that feeling doesn't quite reach my brain." Kai tapped his head.

Cole took one of those tired hands, the rough skin biting against his own. Then he let his hand slide down Kai's back to take the other one and he just held his weakened but persisting hands.

His wishes came true; Kai, at last, turned his face to him. Although weather-beaten, broken, and exhausted to his very limit, he was still beautiful. Cole wanted nothing more than to be allowed to care for him. To help soothe the wounds he hid. Maybe that way he could be forgiven for his untimely longing.

"I don't want her to know," he whispered. Whether to make sure no one else could hear or because the days of self-neglect were catching up, Cole couldn't tell. "Both of them. But..." Kai looked away, forcing his hair to cover his face, "I wish we didn't find them. I wish we never knew they were alive." His grip on Cole's hands tightened as if he was about to fall from a cliff. "I know they were held captive there, forced to work, but I keep thinking about it and it feels like the better ending."

He tugged on Cole's hands, pulled him closer as if there was any space left between them. Urgency sparked in his words and actions, desperation seeped into his tone. His temperature rose but Cole kept still, only leaning in closer as Kai wanted him to do so.

"Cole, I don't want to know they were alive," Kai almost exclaimed. "All that time... I wish we never met them. It was easier. Everything was so much easier then."

As if ripped from his confessional moment, Kai pushed Cole away. Or attempted to, rather, it was clear he was in a terrible state. He only managed to create a few centimetres of distance between them.

"I'm a terrible son," he muttered in disbelief. His whole body began shaking again and Cole was there to brush his reluctant tears away before they could even form.

"No, no, no," he reacted instantly; without a second thought, he brought the picture of misery back into his arms. "No, Kai, no, you're so far from that." He ignored Kai's head shaking in disagreement. "You always do your best, you've always done your best. You're a star, okay, L–" Cole would have cursed himself if he did not have more pressing matter at hand. He took all of Kai's weight on himself, pressed his lips to Kai's forehead.

Rubbing his back, he relentlessly whispered to him, no matter how hopeless the fight might have seemed. "You're a star, Firefly, and we love you, okay? All of us. That won't ever change. You're the best son you could've been."

That night, although Kai still did not have dinner with them, he slept. He slept through the night and through the next day and for the first time in the past two weeks, Cole thought the ravine was not as enormous as it seemed at first look. For the first time he could see over the gap and Kai looked back.