Power of Gods | Loki FanFiction

XVII | comfort crowd

"I just needed someone around"

What Thor and Jill told me:

(As Thor was too drunk to remember at some points or simply wasn't there, Jill helped out. So it is not up to me whether or not any of this is actually true.)

"I'm not saying you can't dance, but why wouldn't you want to if you're so good?" I asked Jill again. I never realized how stubborn I can be when I'm drunk. Maybe not just when I'm drunk. I grabbed Jill by the arm and tried to drag her onto the dance floor, but Thor pulled on her other arm. "Because she's mine - at least tonight." "The fuck she's not! She likes me much better," I clashed, practically clinging to my friend's arm. Her eyes darted back and forth between the prince and me. "Can you please let go of me?" she asked desperately, though she didn't seem to believe that her begging would have any effect. And she was right.

Thor and I only held onto her tighter. "Not until he lets go." - "No, you first!" - "She is MY personal servant. You have to get in line." "I will tell my father. He is her superior, so I have the first call." Right now I kinda regret not remembering anything. This is gold. Jill described the expression on Thor's face as 'a four-year-old child whose mother wanted to take away his favorite weapon'. A very fitting description, I think. I'd rather not go into the fact that it seems to be normal in Asgard for four-year-old children to have favorite weapons. My expression, on the other hand, was more like an 'offended haunted doll' - very flattering.

"Your dad can suck my dick!" I retorted. "Besides, you can literally have anybody else." "But I still need a wife." Many years later, Thor explained to me that at that point his father had put a lot of pressure on him to find a wife to ensure the continuation of the royal bloodline, which is why Thor would have been happy with anything or anyone that could bear children. Odin would probably have freaked out if Thor had had a child with Jill, a servant, but no one considered that at that moment.

"Maybe I want a wife as well!" I shouted back. Back then, no one knew that I had been more or less married, but I can imagine that Thor didn't mean to hurt me to that extent when he replied: "But I can take better care of her."

I know he didn't mean it that way, but my head translated it to: "You failed your first wife and if you get too close to anyone else now, the same thing will happen to them."

~

At some point, Jill found me alone on the stairs before the hall, sitting and staring at my feet. There was a half-empty mug of mead next to me and it was surprising that I was still conscious. She put her arm around me, allowing me to lean my head on her shoulder. For a long time, no one said anything until she finally broke the silence.

"Who was she?" I raised my head and looked at her blankly. "Who do you mean?" "The woman. The one you had feelings for. She must have been special." A sad smile, which clearly indicated that I was no longer sober, crept onto my lips. "She was very special..." And just like that, I was telling her the story.

"We met ten years ago. Back then I was an agent. But not like today, I was with the bad guys. I was totally evil and did really bad things. Totally evil." I let out a strange mix of a sob and a hiccup.

It often happens when I'm drunk that I start to hate myself and my life - even more than usual - and just want to cry. Which in this case I did.

"We met on a mission," I said, taking the tissue that Jill held out to me. "I was supposed to kill her, but I couldn't. I just couldn't. She was too perfect; too... her. She wasn't good or kind or nice. She was messy and cheeky, and in a confusing way, she was smarter than anyone I'd ever met. She didn't know everything, but she knew how to survive. And she knew how to live. She taught me."

I leaned my head back on Jill's shoulder and stared into the distance.

I know exactly what I was thinking at that moment. Because I thought about it almost every day.

I could still see the ghost of her. All the things I would give- I would do to see her again, to hold her, to hear her laugh, to see her wicked grin when she played pranks on me. I would chase her through the entire house before I'd eventually catch and kiss her. Her lips would taste of raspberries and marshmallows and I would feel her smile against me.

Then she was taken from me. Through cruel and col-blooded violence.

We fell back into silence for a while until I looked at her confused. "Why are you still here?" I asked, and perhaps it sounded harsher than I intended because Jill sounded a little hurt when she answered, "Do you want me to leave?" I automatically grabbed her wrist, holding her back. "No, but why don't you? I'm here yapping and crying over my life. You don't have to be here. You could just go back to the party and have fun."

She snorted. "And let Thor grope me? No, thank you." Then her voice softened. (At this point Jill refused to tell me what exactly she said, so I have to guess. Over the years I've imagined various possibilities, but this one seems the most likely to me.) "You need me, so I'm here for you. I would never abandon my only friend." Again I was confused "I can't be your only friend. You're too good to be alone. You're an angel." Jill smiled and pulled me a little closer and I gladly let her.