Flailing

Part 5: Coffee

Vivian was quick to catch on what was going on between Siobhan and Roger, she recognized the pattern and she wanted to be supportive. The memories of how it felt was still with her and the emotional trauma still present. Once she finally found the strength to leave she ran and decided to put all her energy into her child and to become a new version of herself. She was reinventing and she thought that it was working. She made friends at least she made acquaintances and Jamie was settling in well.

Vivian believed that everything happens for a reason, she would describe herself as an optimistic realist. When she first met Siobhan she wasn't really interested, she was pretty but seemed like she was a cold and not very inviting person. Then she waived a late fee, and she wondered if she had been wrong about her. So she asked around and people seemed to hate the woman. It was hard to believe, she couldn't be that bad. She got to share the rumours and the darker side of Siobhan, how she slept her way to the top and that she was a homophobe. For some reason the homophobic part stuck out, there are homophobes but it isn't 2001 anymore it feels like the homophobia is kept online these days.

Was it rational when Vivian asked Siobhan out for coffee, not really. Was it rational how sad she got when she didn't hear from Siobhan for days, no. A voice in the back of her mind kept telling her that it might not have been Siobhan's choice to avoid her, maybe the man at home really didn't want her to go out without him, she sympathized. What kind of man was he, then she also had a realization, she knew nothing about the situation nor the people involved. Siobhan might just be all the things that people told her and Roger might just be an old man who loved younger women, stranger things had happened.

The next time they met was in the nursery parking lot and it became obvious that Vivian's seaking suspicion about Siobhan's situation was correct. She wanted to ask her straight out if he was controlling and abusive but of course she couldn't, so she did something she could do that wouldn't endanger Siobhan, she booked an official meeting.

A black americano, it made so much sense and it made her smile. Maybe the idea of the blond that she made up in her mind was more true to reality than expected. She arrived with the two cups of coffee and she waited for Siobhan to show up. She was late but Vivian didn't mind, she was not in a rush and this was her workplace so there was not some miss trust in her commitment to their meetings.

"Sorry" It was the only thing Siobhan managed to get out as she finally made it to the family room. She was met by a smile and it took her off guard, few people looked happy to see her and fewer when she was late.

"Coffee is still hot so we are good" Siobhan looks at the cups and Vivian hands her one of them "Iced caramel latte with extra sweetener" Vivian said.

"Oh. Thanks" Siobhan would have berated anyone else but she wanted to be her friend and more importantly this woman made a genuine effort to be hers.

"I am kidding. Your black americano. I don't know if this will make sense to you, but you really are a black americano" Vivian does not know why she said that, sometimes she talked too much a lot of people told her so. Siobhan smiled a little, she was not sure what she meant when she compared her to a cup of coffee but it was nice that she had reflected over her existence at all.

"Thank god. I really don't like those sweet drinks. Why would anyone do that to their coffee" Siobhan realized that she did not know what kind of drink was hiding in Vivian's cup; she wondered if she had messed up by insulting her.

"Hey, some of us just have a preference for the sweeter things in life. We can't all be tall, dark, handsome and bitter" Vivian smirked and Siobhan wondered why she liked her stupid joke so much.

"Tall, dark and handsome is not your type then?" It was an impulsive thing to say and Siobhan didn't really recognize herself as she said it. It felt so casual and natural. Then she wondered if it had been the wrong thing to say. There was silence between the women, then Vivian smiled and it was all ok again.

"I didn't think you would be this chatty. Sometimes it is nice to be wrong. Should we take a seat" Siobhan became aware that they were still standing outside the family room.

They sat down and the conversation flowed. They talked about everything but they both kept it light. Vivian gave her the run-through about what the parents were gossiping about. It was nice and for the first time in a long time Siobhan didn't mind the small talk and she might even like it. The isolation before Roger had been by choice but since he took control of every damn thing in her life, she missed people. She didn't like people but the idea of friendship grew on her as the isolation became overwhelming. For a second she wondered if Roger would let her have a friend, if she asked, if she was really honest and he was in the loop, would he let her?

"Siobhan?" Vivian's voice snapped her out of her own mind. She felt bad as she realized that she had not paid attention and she could probably kiss her chances of friendship goodbye.

"I'm sorry" Siobhan looked ashamed and Vivian thought she had the same look in her eye as Jamie got when he misbehaved. The only difference was, Siobhan was a grown woman and she had nothing to be ashamed about.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"I didn't mean to be rude, my mind was just wandering"

"What were you thinking about?" It was an innocent question and not an unreasonable one at that but Siobhan started to panic. In her months with Roger honesty had become way too complex to explain. She wanted to lie but in her mind lies and punishment came as a package deal.

"I don't know. I really am sorry. What were you saying?" Her eyes were pleading for Vivian to just let this go, to let her get away with this.

"It's ok, Siobhan, you don't have to tell me. Are you ok?" There was kindness in her voice and it scared Siobhan more than Roger did at times.

"I am fine" The voice was cold now and they could both feel how everything changed. They looked at each other. Vivian tried to figure out what happened, why she started to shut down and in all honesty even if she wanted Siobhan didn't have the words to explain it, at least not in a short and concise manner.

"Do you ever think about how many birds there are and how few times you ever get pooped on?"

"What?"

"Yeah, do you ever think about it?" Siobhan let out a smile and for a second she thought she might laugh. That was an absolutely absurd thing to say and it was a reset. Siobhan didn't know how she did it but Vivian saved the conversation like it was nothing and Siobhan's cold demeanour was once again warmer than in months.

"No. Vivian, I don't think I ever have" They smiled and they both knew that they met for a reason, that they were meant to have coffee and that they were meant to be friends.