anticipation - stray kids

raison d'être

(n.) a reason for existing

duvet - bôa

"i am drowning,

help me to breathe"

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

present time

hyunjin's breath came out in soft puffs, visible in the cold night air as he walked beside jisung. they had just said goodbye to minho and chan, watching the pair head off in the opposite direction from the rink. now it was just the two of them, the sound of their footsteps echoing along the quiet street.

he snuck a glance at jisung, who had been oddly fidgety since they left. his hands moved constantly—clenching and unclenching his sleeves, stuffing them into his pockets only to pull them out again. it wasn't like jisung to be so restless. there was always a lightness in his presence, even when he wasn't talking, but tonight something felt off. the usual energy that radiated from him was replaced with a strange distance.

"hey," hyunjin finally broke the silence, nudging jisung's shoulder gently. "you okay?"

jisung barely responded. he kept his gaze down, his eyes focused on the pavement as if it held all the answers. hyunjin frowned, noticing the way jisung's lips pressed tightly together, a hint of something unspoken lingering just behind his eyes.

he tried again, softer this time. "jisung?"

at last, jisung stopped walking. he turned to face hyunjin, and that's when hyunjin saw it—the tears brimming in jisung's eyes, threatening to spill over. his breath hitched as he stood frozen, looking at hyunjin with an expression that tore at him.

without a word, jisung crumbled, tears finally breaking free as he covered his face with his hands. his shoulders shook, his sobs quiet but desperate. hyunjin's chest tightened at the sight, and before he knew it, he was pulling jisung into a tight embrace, one hand resting gently on the back of his head.

"hey, it's okay," hyunjin whispered, his voice tender as he held him close. "whatever it is, you can tell me. i'm right here."

jisung clung to him, his tears soaking into hyunjin's jacket. for a long moment, neither of them moved. they just stood there on the empty street, the world feeling smaller and quieter around them.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

hours later, they sat together in jisung's room, the soft glow of a lamp casting shadows along the walls. hyunjin was sprawled out on the bed, his legs dangling off the side while jisung sat cross-legged at the foot, the blankets wrapped around his shoulders.

they had talked for a while—small things at first, nothing too heavy. but now, in the comfortable quiet, hyunjin could tell something was bothering jisung. he was still distant, lost in thought, his hands gripping the fabric of the blanket tightly.

then, without looking up, jisung finally spoke. "i'm... not human."

hyunjin blinked, not sure if he had heard him right. "what?"

"i've been remembering things," jisung continued, his voice low. "not all at once, just... flashes. but it's like this puzzle, and i've finally put enough pieces together to understand." he paused, fingers gripping the blanket tighter. "i'm part of a cycle. over and over again, i come back, but it's always the same. my soulmate... they're the only one who can stop it, break the cycle. but they never choose me."

hyunjin frowned, shifting closer, his heart aching as jisung's voice cracked. "what do you mean, they never choose you?"

"they fall in love with someone else. every time. in every life, i'm always left behind." 

jisung's words were heavy, thick with years of hurt that stretched far beyond what hyunjin could understand. his hands trembled slightly as he spoke, and his gaze stayed locked on the floor.

hyunjin opened his mouth to respond, but jisung continued, almost as if he hadn't heard him. "i've always watched it happen. my soulmate finds someone else, someone they're happier with, and it's like i don't exist."

the pieces started falling into place in hyunjin's mind, and suddenly, everything clicked. he thought about the way jisung always watched certain people, the looks that lingered a little too long. and now, sitting there in the quiet of the room, hyunjin knew.

"it's them, isn't it?" he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. "chan and minho."

jisung's shoulders tensed at the mention of their names, and his silence was confirmation enough. hyunjin's heart sank, understanding dawning on him. chan and minho—so inseparable, always close, always in sync. he'd seen the way jisung watched them from the sidelines, the way his eyes would flicker with something unreadable whenever they were together.

jisung let out a shaky breath, his voice trembling. "it's always been them, jin. in every life, they find each other, and i'm just the extra piece. the one that doesn't fit."

hyunjin felt a surge of helplessness at jisung's words, wishing he could take away the hurt he'd been carrying. "jisung, i—"

"i don't blame them," jisung interrupted, his voice cracking again. "they don't even know. they don't know about the cycle, about me... and every time, they're happy together. how could i ask for anything more? how could i be the one to ruin that?"

hyunjin's chest tightened, and he reached out, gently placing a hand on jisung's knee. "you deserve to be happy too, jisung. it's not fair."

jisung shook his head, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "it doesn't matter what i deserve. this is how it's always been. how it always will be."

hyunjin pulled jisung into his arms again, holding him tightly. he could feel the way jisung trembled, and he wished more than anything that he could erase the years of loneliness and pain that had built up inside him.

"you're not alone anymore," hyunjin whispered, his voice firm. "i'm here with you. whatever happens, whatever you remember—i'm not going anywhere."

jisung didn't respond right away, but after a long moment, his hands clutched the back of hyunjin's shirt, and hyunjin felt him relax, just a little, into his embrace. it wasn't much, it wouldn't fix everything, but it was something.

for now, that was enough.

- hyunwaffles

who do you reckon the soulmate is?