"I CANT BE YOUR MIDNIGHT LOVE WHEN YOUR SLIVER IS MY GOLD, I CANT BE YOUR SECOND BEST CLOSE BUT NOT YOUR FAVORITE, I KEEP GOING BACK FOR MORE WHERE THERES NOTHING FROM BEFORE."
Violet Montgomery is a senior at the university of Connecticut. She's al...
I don't know if I have ever felt this much rage in my entire life. I haven't talked to nika in 1 whole week. I blocked her number after the second day and the 28th missed call. Each missed call accompanied by a pathetic message entailing how sorry she was and how it was all just a big mistake.
Trust me I know it was all a big mistake. I should have never forgiven her in the first place. I should have realized in that moment when she told me she just used me that I was far too good for her. I'm to sweet to kind and so fucking naive.
I should have known when she would be texting aggressively then when I asked her what was up she would play it off like Paige was complaining to her. I should have known when she would always look around suspiciously when we would meet up after our practices.
I don't blame Naheim. I blame nika. I kinda feel bad for the guy. Like yeah you know your oh so loving girlfriend yeah that one she fucked me when you guys were on a break. But if he's dumb enough to not notice he's dating a raging lesbian that's on him.
I've been focusing a lot on cheer mainly my stunt group had been hitting lots of new stunts so I'm very happy and my tumbling is looking amazing. I've been talking to Azzi after ignoring her for 4 days. I did feel hurt when I found out she knew about Nahiem. But after talking with her and finding out she thought him and nika were totally over months ago and she only found out a few hours before I did we made up.
Nikas not worth it anyway. No way I'm loosing my best friend of 4 years over some lesbian love experiment. I sat down on my couch responding to Azzi's message regarding us getting dinner then watching movies at my place. Of course I said yes. I'm never one to turn down a girls night. I checked the rest of my messages seeing that I was still yet to have a response from any of my sisters.
Each of which I messaged privately. All of the messages saying something along the lines of I'm sorry if I made you guys feel uncomfortable, I love you all and hope to have a relationship in the future.
I think that Is by far what I am most angry about. I did it. I came out to my family. After years and years of hiding. I never loved myself enough to do it for my own well being. To do it so I would no longer have to suffer in silence at family holidays while my parents and relatives went on and on about the sins that are so modernized.
How same sex marriage should be a crime. How god made women to love men and men to love women. That's why they "fit together." I know disgusting and ignorant. My family never had and never will understand love. They are all so full of hate. Hate for love. What people like them see is to people going against god. What I see is two people loving themselves enough to allow themselves to indulge in loving another person.
I came out to my family because what I felt for nika. Past tense. What I felt for her was so strong so compelling I felt brave enough to throw my relationship with my family right out the window. And now I'm alone. It's scary to be alone. And it's all because of her. If it weren't for nika I wouldn't be alone right now.
I would be far from alone. I would be dating Austin for going on 3 years. I would still call my mom every week end and text my sisters everyday. I would have no tension between me and my best friend. I would be miserable in my lie of a life. But I wouldn't be alone.
I am myself now. And I am alone because of it. And I hate it. I hate that she made me this way. She made me realize who I was. Who I love. What I am worth. But she did it in the worst way possible. She lied and lied and lied. She lied me into telling the truth. The truth to myself. Finally excepting that I don't want to be with a man. Telling the truth to my family. The truth that I will never be the daughter they deserve. The truth that I am not enough for my family and I never will be.
The truth hurts. It hurts you and all the people around you. I just wish that there would have been an easier way for me to tell the truth.
As I laid on my bed I heard a knock at my door. "COME IN." I shouted loud enough for who ever was on the other side to hear. I looked up as the door opened and Azzi and Paige walked into my dorm room.
"We brought chipotle. And crumbl." Azzi said squealing giddily. I sat up as they both took a seat on the end of my bed. We put on love and basketball while we all pigged out on our chipotle.
"Soooo. How are you." Azzi said trying her hardest not to make things awkward. "I'm great. I'm amazing don't worry about me." I said trying my best to convince both me her and Paige that my words were the truth.
"I got a new tattoo." I said smiling widely.
@violetm
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
@violetm "how do you have the money for that?" Paige and Azzi's reaction to yet another new tattoo.
@azzifudd I need you to stop dating people if it means you're going to get a new tattoo everytime they make you sad
