In Love: Against All Odds

Lost in the Mess I Made

What Was I Made For? – Billie Eilish 💭🖤
"I don't know how to feel, but I wanna try..."

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The day at university felt like a total vibe killer. It was like the weight of everything hit me at once, and I couldn't shake it. 

The aftermath of the concert was still hanging in the air, and with Adri giving me the silent treatment, it felt like everything was just off. Her usual energy was gone, and in its place was this icy tension that made my chest tight.

I walked into the main hallway, already dreading what I'd find. 

And of course, there was Patrick. As soon as he saw me, his eyes lit up like I was the only person in the room. I felt the panic rise in my chest, and without even thinking, I turned on my heel and pretended not to notice him.

"Kat! Please, wait!" His voice echoed down the hall.

My stomach twisted, my feet picking up speed. I wasn't ready for this conversation. Not today, not right now.

—

At lunch, I sat with Brailey, Alista, Justin, and Vinita, forcing a smile as they kept the conversation going. But no matter how hard I tried to tune in, my mind was elsewhere. 

Across the courtyard, Adri was sitting with Dalia and George, her body turned away from me like I didn't exist. Every now and then, her eyes flicked in my direction, full of something between hurt and rage.

It stung more than I wanted to admit.

"Are you gonna talk to her?" Brailey asked, catching me staring.

I sighed, poking at my food. "I don't even know what to say."

"You can start with an apology," Vinita suggested softly.

"I already tried," I muttered, my stomach twisting. "She doesn't wanna hear it."

Brailey raised an eyebrow. "Can you blame her, though? You ditched her after the concert, Kat. That's not something you can just brush off."

I gripped my fork tighter, my appetite completely gone. I knew they were right, but it still felt like a punch to the gut. 

I was stuck in this mess, unsure if I could make things right. Guilt and frustration tangled together in my chest, tightening like a noose.

----

After way too much internal struggle, I decided to bite the bullet and approach Adri. She was laughing at something George said when I walked up, but the second she saw me, the smile disappeared.

"Adri," I started, my voice shaky. "Can we talk?"

She crossed her arms, leaning back in her chair like she was ready for battle. "What's there to talk about, Kat? You already made it clear where your priorities are."

Her words hit me like a gut punch. "I messed up. I know. I just... I just want to fix it."

Her laugh was cold, bitter. "Fix it? Do you even have a clue how I felt that night? You were so wrapped up in your drama with Patrick and Olivia that you didn't even notice what you did to me."

I frowned, confused. "What are you talking about?"

Adri stood up, her chair scraping against the pavement. "You left me, Kat. Alone. On the side of the road. Do you know how embarrassing that was? People were staring, whispering. I didn't have my car with me—you know it's in the shop. My dad's not in town. It was late, and it was impossible to get a cab. My mom probably scolded me for being so late."

My stomach dropped. I had been so caught up in my own anger that I hadn't even thought about her.

"I didn't realize—"

"No, you didn't," she interrupted, her voice rising with every word. "You were too busy being pissed off that you didn't stop to think about anyone else. You didn't even check on me afterward. Friends don't do that, Kat."

Each word was a slap, cutting through me like a blade. "I was angry," I whispered. "I felt like Patrick was all about Olivia, and I didn't know how to deal with it."

Adri scoffed, shaking her head. "So what? That gave you the right to take it out on me? To leave me like I wasn't even your friend?"

I opened my mouth to say something, to beg her to understand, but she held up a hand. "Save it. I don't want to hear excuses, Kat. I need space. Don't try to fix this right now."

And just like that, she turned and walked away, Dalia and George trailing behind her.

I stood there, feeling like someone had ripped my insides out. Tears burned in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

----

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Patrick tried to catch up with me a couple more times, but every time I saw him, I turned on my heel and walked the other way. I wasn't ready to forgive him. Not yet. Every time I looked at him, I saw Olivia clinging to his arm, her smug little smirk making me want to scream.

By the time classes ended, I felt emotionally drained. I lingered in the hallway, unsure of what to do next, when I heard that familiar voice behind me.

"Kat," Patrick said softly, breaking through my thoughts.

I didn't turn around. "I'm not in the mood, Patrick."

"Please, just hear me out," he said, stepping closer.

I took a step back, shaking my head. "I don't want to talk to you right now. You ignored me at the concert, let Olivia hang all over you, and now you act like everything's fine?"

His face fell, guilt flickering across his expression. "I didn't mean to—"

"I don't care what you meant," I snapped, cutting him off. "I need time, Patrick. Just leave me alone for now."

Without another word, I turned and walked away, my heart pounding in my chest.

That night, I sat in my room, replaying everything in my head over and over. Adri's anger, Patrick's guilt, the mess I had created—it was all too much. I felt overwhelmed, trapped in my own mistakes, and I didn't know how to fix it.

I picked up my phone, staring at Adri's contact name. My fingers hovered over the keyboard for a moment before I finally typed out a message.

"Adri, I'm sorry. I know I hurt you, and I want to make things right. Please let me know when you're ready to talk."

I hit send and set my phone down, a weight lifting from my chest—but just a little. It wasn't much, but it was something.

As for Patrick... I wasn't ready to forgive him. Maybe not ever. But for now, I needed space. I needed time to figure out my feelings, to process the mess I had made, and to understand how to move forward.

One thing was for sure—I wasn't ready to face it all just yet.

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