"The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe." - Gustave Flaubert
The Gemme Community has always believed in perfection, whether it's for our community, or for our precious gem clients, and today, to acknowledge that perfection, th...
It's an intriguing cover and the dark tone of the background makes it more fascinating. I love that the title is written boldly and your choice of font and colour adds another layer of ambiguity to it.
Title: 10/10
Great fit for the story. It's short, simple and goes well with the narrative.
Blurb/Description: 10/10
You did a great job with the blurb! You gave a hint of the MC's life and the conflict that would arise, making me curious as to what will unfold. Despite how brief it was, you still managed to add in the key notes to it, letting your readers have an idea of what to expect to an extent.
Creativity and originality: 10/10
I loved how you started with his thoughts and wrote them in italics. Makes me feel like I was actually in his head, listening to his thoughts. The concept of the story is also a unique and exciting one.
Plot and Flow: 15/20
Since it's just two chapters that are available, it's quite unbelievable how he quickly got back to his feet. Just from one fight, it would have been more realistic if he still wavered on the decision and maybe another fight would make him finally make the decision to return back to who he was. I don't know how long you want it to be but the internal conflict shouldn't have been resolved in just two chapters and I don't mean you should stretch it out too much but to make it feel realistic, no one gets over such a situation that easily, there would still be more internal struggle within.
Character Development: 15/20
The interaction with his colleagues brings out his character and shows how badly his past had affected him. Although what I found very unreal and out of character is in the second chapter where he goes to meet his coach and literally knees down, hugs his coach's leg and sobs on his thigh really threw me off entirely. Cause why on earth would a boxer, a grown man grab his fellow man's thigh and sob on it (I'm sorry I just couldn't handle that T^T and I don't mean to sound rude in any way.)
Judging from how he acted in the previous chapter, he doesn't seem like the kind of person to act that way. Just my thoughts, if you feel that's how you want it to go then it's totally fine, I might just not be getting it.
Writing style: 6/10
The intro got me interested in what was going on and I love the way you introduced the internal conflict from the first sentence. You immediately introduced who the MC is, what's his goal and what's stopping him from achieving that goal. You set the scene perfectly well.
The sudden change in time frame was what got me detached from the story. You started with his present state then switched to earlier before switching back again to the present. The whole switching back and forth can be confusing to follow especially if you keep that up in the later chapters.
Grammar, spellings, etc.: 8/10
There weren't many grammatical errors, the only one I noticed was the excess use of '!' which I'm beginning to realise is a common thing for new writers. I started out the same as well until someone called me out for that before I realised what I was actually doing. So please take note of where you use it, read it out loud with the effect of '!' and if it sounds odd to you then you know it isn't needed there but if it sounds good then leave it.
Overall: 83/100
I enjoyed the story nonetheless. You threw me right into the action and the suspense was executed well. I loved how Nick was always looking out for Bobby, you introduced what his world is like, his day-to-day activities and what goes on in his mind. I hope you will continue updating your story as I love what you have going and would like to see it completed. I want to know what Bobby's future holds.
These are all suggestions on my part by the way so please feel free to change only what feels right to you. Thank you for accepting me as your reviewer and I would love to see your story grow!
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