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❄ Can I call it a love story? | Beauty ❄

Reviewed by: Beauty_queen2612

Book Title: Can I call it a love story?

Author's Name: 

Cover: 5/10

I expected a romance cover with the two MC's involved, not just the male MC. I can't also tell from the cover that it's a romance genre which shouldn't be so. Your cover should attract your readers to your story and make it obvious to them what genre they are about to dive into. The font used for your name is difficult to read, using a clearer or bolder font would be best though it shouldn't be as bold as the title.

Title: 10/10

It's a bit long but I would say it's still okay. I love that it's in the form of a question. Atleast it's obvious the genre is romance from the title, the only adjustment would be from the cover.

Blurb/Description: 5/10

I love the fact that the blurb is precise and straight to the point, the main issue I noticed is how it was told. You started with 'It's a story about a girl...' instead of going direct and introducing who this girl is, what she wants and what's stopping her from getting it. There was also no space after each sentence like in the second sentence, '... a little bit sociophobic.When she meets...'

There's meant to be a space after the end of that sentence like this, 'sociophobic. When'

Since the story revolves around the male and female MC, the male MC should be introduced as well in the blurb.

Creativity and originality : 10/10

I love that we get to see each of their separate lives, what their normal day would be before they finally met. You began with the female MC, what she goes through on a normal day and you did the same for the male MC, letting us into their personal lives, that's a great way of building the bond between your characters and your readers.

Plot and Flow: 10/20

It progressed really slow, there were lots of unnecessary scenes that did nothing but slow down the plot. I expected a romance novel from the blurb and title but instead the first chapter only spoke of the female MC's life story. You can still write it that way but slip in her encounter with the male MC in that first chapter so your readers don't get disappointed.

Character Development: 10/20

As much as I sympathised with Aina to some extent, I couldn't find myself rooting for her or Henry. Their characters were poorly portrayed in the sense that they lacked any depth. Firstly, Henry felt like a stalker rather than a love interest. He kept a close eye on everything she did, he followed her, he took pictures of her without her consent (this was a hard no for me) He was leaning more into an obsessed stalker. Yes I get you want to portray how much he loves her but going about it that way wasn't it at all.

There are other ways you can show how much he loves her even though they haven't met. It can be the urge to steal a glance at her every now and then or always finding his thoughts wandering back to her, or the urge to see her every day not actually stalk her. There are countless ways actually, just do your research if you aren't familiar with it.

Writing style: 8/10

When I started the first chapter, I thought it was a dream or past event being narrated until I realised that was how it went on till the end. Not that it was wrong but I found it quite off reading it in italics, it's not something I come across that often.

I couldn't fully immerse myself into the story as it felt like I was reading a summary of their lives instead of witnessing it play out.

Grammar, spellings, etc.: 3/10

I noticed a lot of errors across the story so I can only point out just a few noticeable ones. Same issue I brought up in the blurb about not putting a space after the end of a sentence or after a comma, here's an example of what I found in the first chapter, '...and aggressive,so young and rebellious.We live...'

Your 'i' wasn't capitalised in most places. 'Although i was suffering from socialphobia i did..' In this sentence the two places where 'i' was, should be in uppercase and as for 'socialphobia' it's meant to be 'social phobia'.

In the second paragraph of chapter one, '...I mostly found myself being quite...' It should be 'quiet'. I found the same error in another place as well so just go through everything again. Also in that first chapter, there are lengthy sentences with no paragraph in between which can make it discouraging for your readers. Adding a paragraph in between those chunks of sentences would make it easier to read.

Overall: 61/100

Despite everything else I still enjoyed the story to an extent. I took note of the fact that you're not fluent in English so I would say you still did a good job with it. If you correct all the errors I highlighted, it would turn out great.

These are all suggestions on my part by the way so please feel free to change only what feels right to you. Thank you for accepting me as your reviewer and I would love to see your story grow!

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