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❄ Late night BAR | Beauty ❄

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Book Title: Late night BAR

Author's Name: FLASHPOINT2EN

Cover: 10/10

Love the fact that the cover portrays the title and where the story revolves around. The way the texts are aligned makes it look great and eye-catching. The night background and the girl sitting alone at the bar holds a bit of mystery and curiosity on what goes on in the bar.

Title: 10/10

Great fit! Goes really well with the bar and the central idea of the story.

Blurb/Description: 8/10

There's a sense of mystery in the blurb but it was too short to have fully captured it. Yes, it did get me curious to want to find out what was wrong with the bar, you did a good job with that despite how short it was. Only that, it would have been better if you added a bit more info to it. Give more insight on the MC, what sudden situation flipped her normal world upside down and her struggle to regain that normalcy back. It's a mystery thriller, so it needs to be very obvious in the blurb.

Creativity and originality : 10/10

The whole concept of what the bar actually symbolises is really creative. At first it seemed like just any regular bar but as the story progresses, it becomes obvious what the bar actually is. It's not something I come across that often.

Plot and Flow: 10/20

I suppose this is a short story judging from the few number of chapters but still, I feel there were a lot of scenes that were rushed like when she figured out her best friend was murdered, I was surprise how she quickly regained her composure in the next chapter even casually requesting for another glass of whiskey.

Character Development: 10/20

I didn't get to understand Angel's character and his role in the story. It was only lightly brushed, same with Camila, there was no connection with her. It was mostly conversation going on for the majority of the story.

If you can't make your readers care for your characters then you know there's something you aren't doing right and in this case I'd say you didn't get us into her head. Her internal conflict. What makes her real, what makes her human and not just a made up fictional character. Same applies with her best friend, Christine. I would have loved to atleast get to know her to some extent as I was unable to sympathise with her death.

Writing style: 5/10

The way the characters interacted felt unrealistic and most of their conversations were back and forth instead of going straight to the point. I also found it quite unbelievable how Camila quickly adjusted to her unfamiliar environment, how she got comfortable with Angel despite it being just them talking in the bar. I sure would be a lot sceptical about the whole situation but she just brushed it off that easily and kept on drinking more whiskey.

I'm also not very familiar with the way you described their words. You use (–) instead of (") to place their conversations which I found confusing at the start before I realised that's your way.

Grammar, spellings, etc.: 5/10

In the first paragraph of chapter one, 'By Camila, the sound of the bell stretched over the door goes off, the strangers in the bar are stared at her for a short moment before everyone resumes their activities.' I was a bit lost when I first started. Your first paragraph should capture your reader's attention and make them eager to read on.

Writing it this way would have been better, "The bell jingled above the door as Camila walked in, strangers seated in their respective places in the bar stared at her for a brief moment before resuming their activities.'

Overall: 68/100

It was such an amazing read! I love the theme of the story, the bar symbolising a place between life and death where they get the chance to choose eternal suffering for their actions or go back to the present to face the consequences of their action and it was quite disheartening that most people decided to stay in the bar and live in torment forever than to face the consequences of their actions.

I also loved that after Camila's story ended, a couple walked into the bar oblivious of what it actually is and now that I know what the bar symbolises, it makes me wonder what their choice would be and why they were there. It's really an amazing story, I ended up reading the whole thing!

These are all suggestions on my part by the way so please feel free to change only what feels right to you. Thank you for accepting me as your reviewer and I would love to see your story grow!