I woke up with a pounding headache, the aftermath of last night's drunken choices hitting me hard. But even with the hangover, I couldn’t shake the memory of what happened—what I did to Lan. It was 9 a.m., and the usual sounds of him moving around the condo or playing with Shinzui, were absent. Normally by this time, he is already be lounging on the sofa with the cat nestled on his lap.
But today, there was only silence.
I glanced at Lan closed door and sighed. It wasn’t hard to guess why he was still in his room. He was probably avoiding me, mad about last night. Of course he'd be mad. What else could I expect after kissing him out of nowhere? The realization of what I done hit me all over again, and I groaned, rubbing my temples.
I stood up from the couch and walked to the kitchen, trying to distract myself by making coffee. Every movement felt heavy, like the weight of guilt was pressing down on me. My mind kept drifting back to the way Lan had walked away last night, without a word, without even a glance. It hurt more than I wanted to admit.
As the coffee brewed, I found myself staring at his door again. Should I go talk to him? Ask if he’s okay? I shook my head. He’s definitely not okay.
After pouring myself a cup of coffee, I took a seat at the table, still stealing glances toward his room. Maybe I should give him space. He deserved that much, at least.
But the silence in the condo was deafening, and the longer it went on, the more unbearable it became.
As I sat there, staring at Lan door lost in my thoughts, my phone suddenly rang. I snapped out of my daze and glanced at the screen. Tita Vien
I hesitated for a second before picking it up.
"Hello, Tita?" I answered, trying to sound normal, even though my mind was still buzzing with everything that happened last night.
"Xian! How are you? How’s everything? I just wanted to check on you both. I also want to tell you that expect more noise from the media in the next few days they’re still obsessed with Lan, and it’s only getting bigger." Her voice was cheerful, as always.
I cleared my throat, unsure how to answer. "We're okay, Tita. Just the usual. Lan’s... in his room," I said at sumulyap sa siradong pintuan ni Lan. I didn’t want to tell her about the situation we are in today, about what I had done. How could I?
There was a pause on her end and then she asked, "In his room? Is everything alright? I was hoping to check in with him too. You know how these media things can get overwhelming and I want to make sure he’s not stressed."
I let out a small sigh. "Yeah, he's just... resting, I think." I tried to make it sound like nothing was wrong, but my voice faltered slightly.
Tita Vien seemed to pick up on it, because her tone softened. "Hmm. Well, if there’s anything bothering him, you’ll let me know, right? and Xian... keep an eye on him, okay? He trusts you."
Her words made my chest tighten. He trusts me. Did he, though? After what I’d done last night, I wasn’t so sure anymore.
"Yeah, of course, Tita. I will talk to him later," I said, trying to sound more convincing.
"Good. Well, okay. Just wanted to check in and like I said, expect more attention from the media. They’re hungry for every detail about Lan right now. Take care of each other, okay?"
"Thanks, Tita. We will." I hung up and stared at the phone for a moment, feeling even more guilty now. He trusts you. Those words echoed in my head. But I had broken that trust last night.
Taking a deep breath, I stood up and took a long sip of my coffee. I had to talk to Lan. Apologize, explain myself, something. I couldn’t let this silence hang over us. But first, I had to gather the courage to face him.
Hapon na nang lumabas si Lan mula sa kwarto niya. Tahimik siyang naglakad papunta sa kusina, kinuha ang malamig na tubig mula sa fridge. I watched him as he moved, awkwardness filling the air between us. Alam kong kailangan ko siyang kausapin, kailangan kong humingi ng tawad.
"I'm sorry," sabi ko, sinserong nakatingin sa kanya.
Tumigil siya sa pag-inom at tinitigan ako nang malamig, binibigyan ako ng mabigat na tingin na tila tinitignan ang bawat galaw ko.
"You’re sorry because you kissed me?" tanong niya, seryosong boses. "I thought you would forget what you did last night because you were drunk."
I shook my head, keeping my gaze on him. "I'm not sorry for kissing you, Lan. I’m asking for your forgiveness because I didn’t get your formal permission first before I kissed you." Huminga ako ng malalim, ramdam ang bigat ng mga salita ko. "I don’t know how to explain it but I feel this towards you…"
There was silence for a moment as he stood there processing what I said. Then he raised an eyebrow, his expression unreadable. "Really?" His voice was calm but piercing. "You like girls, right?"
That question hit me hard. Of course, he knew that. I was in the rumored to be with some random girls in the last 4 months. I could feel my throat tighten as I struggled to find the right words.
"I thought I did," I said softly, almost in a whisper, trying to be as honest as I could. "But things changed. You… changed something in me. I’ve been confused for a while now, Lan. That’s why I’m trying to figure things out."
He stared at me, his expression hardening. "So, what now? You’re experimenting? Trying to see if this works for you?"
His words cut deep, and I couldn’t blame him for feeling that way. "No, it’s not like that," I said, shaking my head. "I’m not experimenting. This isn’t just some phase. I would not have kissed you if it didn’t mean something and I don’t want to lose you because I messed up last night."
Lan eyes darkened, his hand tightening around the glass of water. For a moment, I thought he was going to walk away again, just like he did last night. But instead, he stood there staring at me, conflicted.
"You don’t even know what you are saying right now, Xian." His voice was lower, almost like a warning. "You can’t just switch like this because you’re confused."
I wanted to argue, to tell him that I am not confused sa nararamdam ko but the look in his eyes stopped me. He was hurt, and I was the one who caused it. For the first time, I could see it clearly behind that cold, stoic exterior, he was trying to protect himself.
"Maybe I don’t know everything right now, but I know one thing," I said, my voice soft but firm. "I care about you, Lan. And I’m sorry if I hurt you last night. I just... I don’t want this to ruin what we have."
Lan didn’t respond, He just turned his back walking towards in his room
and just like that, he walked away again, leaving me standing there, unsure of what was going to happen next.
